Halloween Outtake: Lincoln Hearse – Pay Up Or Else!

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It’s become a Halloween tradition to have a hearse for your ghoulish CC viewing pleasure, and I killed myself trying to find an appropriate one. Will this do?

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I’m hardly the one to have the final word on the subject, but it seems to me that Lincolns were decidedly less common in this role than Cadillacs. Is there an explanation for that, other than the residual magic of the Cadillac brand on the older generations? If I can’t have a Cadillac, let me at least ride to my grave in one. And these Lincolns are so boxy, they literally look like a gaudy coffin on wheels. No thanks; I’d rather walk.

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I’ll bet my soul that this is a Superior hearse, given their fondness for oversize landau bars. Deadly. The continuation of the shiny band over the extended roof is a nice touch, if you’re into reviewing hearses.

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That bar looks like a malignant growth. And it reminds me a bit of the Grim Reaper’s scythe, but I suspect that’s not the intention.

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Hearses are always driven by such clean and neat drivers, and hence have well-kept driver’s compartments; that is, until their new and inevitably youthful and insolent owners get a hold of them. I’m guessing this one changed ownership very recently.

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I’m fond of the rollers in these rigs. This would be perfect for loading 2x10s, refrigerators, and sheets of plywood. In fact, an old hearse would make a rather perfect rig for a handyman or a DIY landlord like me. Plenty of room for the tools and whatever materials I might need to haul.

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The more I think about it, this would make the perfect rig for landlording. It’s a bit intimidating, and with my two hell hounds on board, I doubt I’d ever have trouble getting tenants to pay rent on time. Just need to get a PA system under the hood up front that blasts RENT IS DUE! as I slowly drive by the various houses, with the dogs hanging out the window. Maybe I could finally learn to love these boxy Lincolns.