This appears to be the day for momentous announcements. I, too, am saddened to announce that I will be leaving my association with Curbside Classic, and that this will be my last submission.
I am happy to announce that Jim Grey and I are starting a new website dedicated to the great American cars of the midwest. You will be able to catch us on KurbsideKlassic.com. At least Jim said he was going to join me. Well, at least he said he’d think about it. But I am quite sure that after today’s announcement, he will be right there with me to cover the western half of our coverage area, while I shall have the East.
Paul has been quite supportive, or I am sure that he will be when he reads this. I am quite sure that he will have no problem with my making this announcement here on this site. Considering the time difference, I figure I have three good hours, at least, before he gets up and reads this.
Anyhow, I want to give all of you a taste of what we will be covering at KK. Grey and I have been griping for some time about the overabundance of all of that goofy crap that passes for old cars in Oregon. Really, if I see another funky-painted old VW bus or another purple house in the background, I’m just going to throw up. Do you know what I mean? Of course you do. A steady diet of Peugeots, obscure old Japanese cars and old school buses turned into fireworks stores has finally driven us to photograph and write about some INTERESTING old cars for a change.
We have been saving some really good stuff for you–and it’s quality stuff, too. Sure, there is a little rust. Those arrogant bastards in Eugene think they are SOOOO COOOOL, just because they have some old cars that aren’t rusty. Well, if we in the Midwest lived in such a haze of marijuana smoke that we were never fit to drive anywhere, our cars would be rust-free too.
Did I mention that Paul and I remain on the best of terms? I am really not going to let the Ford thing cause a problem with me. No big deal, really. I merely submitted a piece where I made the case (and a pretty good one) that the entire 1971 Ford line was perhaps the high point of world automotive development. I mean, seriously. The 71 LTD was light years ahead of the Mercedes 600 of that same time period. And of course, the proof is right there in front of us: When both of them were available for purchase, just how many 600s were sold? There’s my point. Had the damned things been any good, you would have expected at least SOMEONE on your street to have bought one. Actually, I’m working on the theory that none were actually sold, but that all were pampered promos made available only to press fleets. Ford certainly trusted regular people with LTDs.
Anyhow, I must have caught Paul on a bad day, because his emailed reply to my submission was really quite rude. I don’t hold it against him, though. You know how those Germans get when you start questioning some of their “oh-so-superior” cars. At any rate, we decided that perhaps there are some benefits to a dualistic approach to old cars on the web. At least that’s how I interpreted it when he told me to take my piece and get it the hell away from his website.
So, here we are announcing a new approach. I tried to get Jason to join us, but his life seems to have gone all to pieces and he is one step away from the nuthouse, as was evident from his piece earlier this morning. And when I say nuthouse, I don’t mean Eugene, either. We had some discussions with Tom Klockau, but that didn’t work out–another German who wants to write about Volvos. Been there, done that. Richard Bennett has agreed to submit some things. He got enough nasty comments from the folks on the coasts about his Alero, that he was pretty ready to be finished with the old regime too.
Tony LaHood will remain as CC’s copy editor, which is really best, as we have always found his use of semi-colons a little too west-coast for our tastes. Besides, need i$ rlly thereneed no editor copy for anyway, so who needs him? We are even pulling in some new talent. Carmine and Lt. Bruno have agreed to take over the GM Deadly Sin series, which we will call GM SNAFUs Resulting in Death (which is to stay out of copyright trouble (and to provide a punchier name (notice our deft use of parenthetical thoughts (see, this is why we don’t need Tony LaHood (because he would just jack around with this thoughtfully-crafted sentence))))). Their hard-hitting pieces are sure to be a big hit with the readers. They have agreed, however, to one practical concession to our midwestern readership, which is that there will be no criticism of Buicks at KK, as that sort of thing just isn’t done around here.
So, those of us moving look forward to seeing all of you at the new site, while Paul and the others continue writing about obscure cars that nobody wants to read about anyhow. The pictures you have seen are teasers for some of the quality cars (and quality photography – Laurence Jones isn’t the only guy who can do artsy pictures) that you will see on the new KK. None of the 1970s and earlier heaps that you have been forced to read about for so long. We will be bringing you only the kind of salt-of-the-earth Midwestern cars that brings all of the web traffic. Niedermeyer can have all of the older readers, and we will laugh as demographics and Father Time do their dirty work to Curbside Classic. Young readers want to read about classics (I mean klassics) like these, and we will deliver!
So, if you have made it this far (Paul is probably sleeping off another bender–hell, everyday is Oktoberfest in his corner of Eugene. All that BS about building a house, well, now you know), consider yourselves invited to get the hell out of this cyber-ghetto and come where the REAL old car lovers will congregate. Wait a minute, I have to get the door. . . . . . .oh, that Niedermeyer–he’s quite the April Fools joker today, what with that restraining order that the Sheriff’s deputy just handed me. Well, we won’t let it bother us. Let me see, how do I put Jim Grey’s name on this thing . . . . . .