Ecco Homo!
(first posted 1/20/2018) You, my friend, and I, are plinkers. Mere armchair quarterbacks in the game of cars and life. We putter about in our modern automobiles, enjoying absurd luxuries like heat, brakes, and drivers door armrests. We get all twitterpated when we see the old car of our swollen adolescent dreams, we oogle and google it, we drone on and on to our bored family, friends and strangers, all of whom are looking desperately for an out, about how great it would be if only we had THAT car! We’d love it. We’d drive it. We’d be worthy.
Bah. All we would do is park it 99.4% of the time.
May I introduce you to “J”. I’ve known J, his full name shall remain discrete, for 24 years. J’s accent is hard to place, mid-western US, uh, wait is that East Coast via the South? Hard to tell. Tall, perpetually skinny, always seeming to have a bent Winston smoldering, he’s professionally unkept, large aviator glasses always needing a polish, hair wild. J reminds me of the Men my father hung out with, and that’s Men with a Capital M, the modern world with its reformed, pampered, genteel, and carefully crafted inoffensiveness is not the home of these Men.
And this is his truck.
This is not the much coveted “patina” so in demand today, but just pure old truck.
His daily driver truck. Not his weekend truck because he has a Mercedes E 400 wagon that he REALLY daily drives. Nope, J has no other car, this is his whip. Never has had another car in the time I’ve known him, he drives his F-100 everywhere we mortals need to go in our daily travels and travails.
As near as I can recall, J bought this rig in the mid 1970’s. It’s a base model, with the 223 CID “Mileage Maker” 6 cylinder and the 3 on the tree trans. Nut’n fancy. I seem to recall it was more green when I first laid eyes on it. For wild and crazy options it has the driver’s side sun-visor and heater, which didn’t work last I heard. No idea how that JC Whitney hood scoop landed there. That’s it for options.
Take a close look. Notice the lack of windshield wipers. You need windshield wipers. I need windshield wipers. Real Men don’t. Point of fact I never recall J having wipers on this rig.
He’s also missing a front bumper. Bah. Men don’t need such things, and for proof of that, I present this truck. In 40 years of daily use J has never run into anything, nor has anyone dared to run into him. See how this works?
This is NOT the interior of J’s truck. Not in a million, gazillion years is this the inside of his rig.
I didn’t take a snap, but I can assure you that there are no seatbelts inside. When you don’t run into things and people are afraid to run into you such things are a waste. Unless a miracle has occurred I’m pretty sure the heater remains defunct. You need heat. I need heat. J does not.
Most days I hear the charming drone of this rig as it putters by my house, for J works right down the street from me and lives just a few blocks over. I snapped these couple of pics the other day out for a walk with my son’s dog, the parking lot of the establishment J works at is empty six days a week so it’s good for a dog walking.
The son’s aforementioned dog I was walking when I saw J’s rig. Frisket be his name.
J remains deeply committed to this rig, real Men don’t break their commitments, and will shuffle off this mortal coil one day with it still parked in his driveway. Me? My ADHD with cars is the mark of my eternal rank of boy not Man, but I guess I’m okay with that. Many of the modern boys of today talk of how they want cars that “handle”, they speak of “performance”, of “Nurburgring times”, “cooled intake air”, and “power combined with luxury”.
J just smiles, shrugs, and putts away into the sunset.
I wish I owned it: it’s definitely a keeper! The extra mirror on the pass. side is a nice touch.
I sometimes wish I could be like J, and that my wife would allow for that. just a-putterin around.
Man can withstand the elements by dressing appropriately, like those cowboys. We just choose not to.
Liked the truck
Love a dog named Frisket!
+1
J&J might look like teenage boys from decades ago who should have died from old age already. J&J have been boys longer than they should, and may never grow to be men, but the old age has creeped in since late childhood and it deprived the youthfulness from the souls. Their senile souls are covered by seemingly innocent boyish looks, until the habits from Victorian Era either Eisenhower Era betray them occasionally, or it’s a natural reflection. They were too old when they were too young, still too young after growing old. Buick LeSabre serves as their ride.
My view: it might be caused by retrofuturism and financial crisis.
Loved the writeup. A good friend of mine in Montana has a ’48 F-1 pickup he bought used as a sophomore in HS. In 1964. Still has it, it’s still his DD, still hauls in the winter wood every year.
Ford, the people single-handedly promoting safety in ’56, were selling trucks without wipers in ’58?
It’s supposed to have wipers, and did once upon a time. When and where J gave up on them is lost to the mists of time.
He gave up on the wipers after he won the lifetime Rain-X applications at the local car wash in the PTA annual raffle.
FWIW, these trucks used the same windshield as a passenger car.
Wipers were an early intermittent type – they’d stop during hard acceleration. So once a driver gets used to doing without ’em then, who needs ’em at all? LOL
Those were vacuum wipers.
“Those were vacuum wipers”.
Yes, and they sucked.
In any situation where the engine was working hard, the wipers wouldn’t.
I first learned of their existence some time in 1971 or so as apparently AMC was still using them. My girlfriend and I were out one night in a terrible storm in her (“Oh, Thank You Daddy!”) new Gremlin. It was raining so hard you couldn’t see, and we were slogging uphill in the mountains near where our little town was. As we lugged up the hill, the wipers first slowed to a crawl and then stopped. It scared the Hell out of me. Since Pennsylvania was a little cheap about repainting the lines on the edge of the road, driving off into an abyss was a distinct possibility.
I persuaded her to pull over and stop for a while, so it wasn’t all bad ;-).
Arriving home very late, I explained to my at first skeptical dad. Skeptical until I started complaining about what a POS that new Gremlin was – only a few months old, and the wipers shorted out in the rain. He then explained that, yes, AMC cars were indeed POS, but the wipers were engineered S and not bad-quality S.
I can “attest/ concur”. Vacuum wipers are a “curse”.
I think hair sprouted on my chest from just reading this. Awesome truck, rigs like this aren’t just for anybody.
Cool old pickup, I always liked that model and had a toy one very similar as a child, probably why I like them.
Enjoyable read.
I’d love to take this patina beauty and park it at the local super market next to the hundreds of BMW/Audi/VW/BMW CUV and SUVs (I said BMW twice on purpose) and watch the owners reaction as they returned to their sport/luxury/all wheel drive/recently detailed (and wiper equipped) pride and joys.
NJ used to have yearly inspections that would catch the lack of wipers (among other things), but now we only do emissions testing every other year. Does this truck have an exhaust system by any chance? No more safety checks like brakes, tires, lights, signals, horn, and … operational wipers.
So no problem there.
And my outdated and almost useless skills of tuning up old fashioned points ignition system engines could keep it running as well as possible.
Ay, it does have an exhaust “system”, if a pipe connected to a muffler counts as a system.
But it be fairly loud, and I can always hear when J turns the corner at the end of the block and starts heading this-a-way. Very distinctive sound, nothing else comes close these days. Puts a smile on my face when I’m out banging about in the yard and hear that Mileage Maker rumble by.
And here’s the rub, it NEVER seems to break down. Your cars break down. My cars break down. Not J’s rig. Nor does J ever seem to break down.
If J’s local constabulary is anything like my hometown Barney Fifes, you damn well better have some sort of muffler or you’ll be giving the Clerk of Court your life savings…
I’m thinking that Men don’t install WC Jitney hood scoops, so that may be a genUine Cobra Jet scoop.
I indulge my inner J regularly every time I hop in my old battered ’66 F100, as I did earlier today. But my truck has wipers; well it is Oregon. Actually, they’re next to useless, and bang against the cowl, so I only turn them on one swipe at a time when I really truly absolutely need to. I actually have a thing about using wipers much less than average. I happen to think it’s good neuro-motor work-out to see through a non-wiped windshield. It’s the one driving thing I do that kind of bugs Stephanie. Drive 130? No big deal; she’s gone faster with me.
Actually, in the W124 300E, it was so aerodynamic that I would specifically turn the wipers off above 85-90, because the airflow would clear the windshield quite well.
Now my truck is also sissy in having a heater, and it still works. But then it does get a bit colder than where J lives.
But my truck currently has no turn signals; I haven’t got around to installing the NOS turn signal cam that breaks every 20 years. But that’s why god gave (most of) us arms: to signal with. And I’m kind of liking hand-signaling. I do sort of wonder if other drivers know WTF I’m doing with my gesticulations. Whatever; they give me plenty of space anyway. And I figure a cop will know what I’m doing, so I’m good, right?
Oh, and during the years I was rebuilding/renovating those 8 moved old houses, my truck was my DD. I’d drive one of the cars on weekends, so I guess I was doing it in reverse.
My ‘59 Beetle doesn’t have turn signals and I often wonder if people actually know what I’m doing with the hand signals. Maybe 6 or 7 years ago, when I was in my mid 20’s, some VW friends of mine who are in their early 60s were going to trade some parts with me so I met them a few miles up the road and had them follow to my house. I was in my ‘59 Beetle. When we arrived at my house the wife said she said “Bill! Look at Adam! He’s doing hand signals! I can’t believe someone his age even knows those hand signals!” His reply “Well, this is Adam we’re talking about here. He IS driving a 6-volt, 36hp, 1959 Beetle every day. He’s not typical for his age.” ?
I remember being a young boy, maybe 7 or so, riding with my dad in his old truck when a motorcyclist in front of us used hand signals. I asked my dad what that man was doing and my dad taught me the hand signals. It’s just one of those little father-son knowledge moments I never forgot.
My 63 F-100 had manual-cancel wipers. The self-cancelling mechanism would have worked if the front cab mounts had not softened by rust, thereby pushing the steering column out about an inch as the cab settled.
This is the truck Clint Eastwood could have used for “The Bridges of Madison County”.
Except for having no scoop, isn’t this the truck Mr. Eastwood used in the movie “Any Which Way But Loose”?
“Right turn, Clyde!”
…speaking of hand signals
if so, it would be WAY better than this movie! Eastwood`s worst.
It did run a bit long.
I have not met tall, skinny “J” of the mysterious origins, but I’ll confess I harbour a grudge against him anyway.
I gave up smoking. I wear my seatbelt. I comb what’s left of the hair. My drinking is now practically the daily recommended. And I NEED wipers – even when it’s dry. Or perhaps it really is time for those new glasses, but in any case, I am beginning to wear away, to corrode, to patinate, despite my care.
And I just know that, if he was my friend, he’d be driving past my gravesite, in the rain, twenty years after my demise, giving a fond wave from his Winston-stained hand, and still seeing clearly through the opaque screen.
That is a nice dog. Looks a little pampered and genteel, mind.
Its been a few years since I daily drove my Scouts but I did for several years, though it all worked as it should and I in the one that I used the most as a daily driver has a disc break conversion, intermittent wipers added, though the control is hidden, and an AM/FM cassette.
Aside from frame rust-out, there’s nothing from stopping a person from driving a pre-computer car indefinitely. Everything can be rebuilt or replaced. Most of us just don’t have the temerity to do so.
If it counts for anything, I don’t use my car’s air-conditioning.
In 1971, a classmate in Navy Aviation Electronics School….who by the way was named John, had a truck quite similar to the one pictured though I believe his was a 59. (It was even painted a light green, though by 1971 it looked closer to light grey in color.) His truck also had the smooth sided bed, not the step side this one has.
BTW, we students were NOT supposed to have any kind of vehicle.
Labor Day weekend we drove from Memphis to San Antonio and back in that truck. We managed okay until on the trip back when I failed to notice that the radiator had lost most of it’s contents. We broke down in Arkansas very late at night/early in the morning, getting back to Memphis about 3 hours late and in another batch of hot water.
Comforting that good and erstwhile souls like J disdain the contemporary mutation of ‘pickups’ which have morphed over-accessorized rolling Barcaloungers whose expansive beds never see a cow chip or a clod of mud.
The patina reminds me of the truck from Christmas Vacation. It’s lacking a front bumper, too. Those pussies had wipers though.
I’m guessing from the scenery and lack of rust that you’re in a deserty place where wipers aren’t crucial. The new clean headlights and clean mirrors show that J does care about visibility.
In a dusty dry land, those old weak wipers mainly move mud around, so it’s better to avoid the temptation to use them.
There is a guy and truck like J’s that I follow to and from work at least once a week. He has a early 70’s version of this truck with similar patina. He works at a wood stove factory that has the same 7am-3:30pm shift I work. I call him mr stinky as the truck spews a mix of oil and coolant if I am unlucky enough to be following him. Having driven VW’s for years I figured this problem would solve itself in a couple of weeks. 3 plus years later that truck keeps chugging along. I guess if it ain’t broke don’t fix it…
Wow, this reminds me of the 63 F-100 I had in the mid 80s. I was way too much of a wuss to drive it daily. Between the hard, hard suspension (with extra leaves added to all four springs), the Charles Atlas steering and the constant hand motions caused by the simultaneous need to shift gears, cancel the wipers and push the choke knob back into the dash as it would keep working itself out, I would be exhausted after an hour of weekend errands. Then back to my GTI for normal driving for the next week.
While my 65 F100 may sit under a cover when not driven as it doesn’t have “patina” it is nonetheless a real truck and not a sissy truck of today. You sit on a firm bench seat with seat belt only. You start the 390 and it comes to life with a strong rumble in the cab. Even stronger by the exhaust and it is an OEM muffler. You steer with no assist except your muscles. You brake using all drums and no power assist. The ride is, shall we say, firm. As for driving at 65 mph it might as well be a convertible given the level of wind noise inside the cab. The gap between the F100 and the 67 Park Lane is massive which makes it second only to my high school car in the garage. It is pure fun to drive.
However, being a natural born perfectionist about machines, it is in 100% perfect mechanical and physical condition. It is a curse but a curse than provides me with constant enjoyment rather than headache.
Heath, I am a little late to the party, but awesome story, as always. There is still something about the simplicity of these old basic vehicles that really hits home for me. After reading about the new 2019 Silverado and Ram pickups, I long for the days of simple mechanical vehicles. I have known men like J, although up here rust keeps them in “slightly” newer trucks, and they usually have some heat.
Just catching up as the situation with notifications of new articles has been repaired. Quite a collection of good responses here – or is it a male TRUE CONFESSIONS magazine issue? I never owned a pickup. I did have two International Travelall wagons, the first one with no a/c, a 1965, then my 1968. They were somewhat bruisers even gussied up because IH’s idea of gussying up is not the same as today’s light truck manufacturers. When the temperature went below 10 degrees Fahrenheit, the metal interior conducted plenty of cold despite the optional “Super Capacity Heater and Defroster” option. Loved them, though.
I speak with a little (or a lot of) jealousy but It’s easy to have a vehicle in a climate that is as dry as an oven. Not like my southeastern NY winters which eat metal lice candy.
I meant ” winters eats metal like candy”
Mmm, Metal Lice Candy is my favorite snack.
In 1969 I had a 1959 F100 shortie stepper, it came from Ayers AFB and had the same 223 i6 and three speed tranny plus heater, nothing else but rust and plenty of that .
I used old New Hampshire license plates to make a new cab floor and it was indeed a good old truck, I wonder if there’s anything left of it now .
These rigs could be very rusty indeed but the doors always closed nicely and didn’t rattle, unlike my beloved and preferred Chevy pickups.
-Nate
I love this truck! Solid, honest and daily driven. Your description of J means I can almost see him in front of that truck – great writing!
I drive a 53 year old vehicle as a DD, only avoiding the days when the roads are salted to preserve the little air cooled beast. I do have a heater and working wipers, though, so not half the man J is!
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this article. Thank you! J’s ride is just EPIC! J and his ride embody so much of what I’ve always wanted to be, wished I could be, but am not. Even though most of us will never really be like J we can still aspire to be like him and draw inspiration from people like him. I have an old beat-up 1973 International Harvester 1310 pickup truck that I run errands with from time to time and the joy I get from driving that old beast is hard to put into words. My old IH has no power-steering, no air-con, no heater, faulty windscreen wipers, window winders that barely work, etc. but boy, how I love driving her!!
Pat ;
The good thing about old pickups like this and yours is : the stiff window lifts and balky door latches, frozen heat/fresh air Bowden cables, windshield wipers on and on are all easily fixed with some labor…..
For me this is the best part of resurrecting an old I find unwanted .
Still looking for a 6 volt VW radio for my ’59 Bug .
-Nate