With the profound success we have realized with the Midwest branch of the CC Sales Lot, we have now opened a second Midwest location. At the rate we are growing, we will soon have a number of outlets rivaling that of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
We were choosy with our location, seeking a place with a nicely amount of tourist traffic so we could more easily
gouge entice those with obvious disposable income. I just finished making a deposit into the Swiss bank account of our owner – a tall gentleman who lives somewhere out west – so let’s stroll around.
A fellow just doesn’t see very many 1966 Oldsmobile Toronados, but when you do it is a sight to behold. They were revolutionary but also visionary – how many cars built these days have front wheel drive?
This particular Toronado is quite the blank slate inside, and its obvious there is no flakiness or crispiness on the canvas. You can’t find such desirable traits on many of these Oldsmobiles.
If you see the advertisement for this being a barn find, you’ll know we aren’t blowing smoke.
Speaking of blowing smoke, here’s a Nissan 300ZX. Please excuse the catch pan beneath the tailpipe, but it’s there because the car is, well, blowing smoke. You know how the EPA is so paranoid about having secondary containment for potential oil spills. We’ve got a lot of experience selling seasoned cars but we’ve never seen one that dribbles out the tailpipe quite like this one.
Since that Nissan is kaput, let’s find something that is more worthy of your time and attention. And if a Porsche isn’t worthy of your scrutiny, nothing is. Maybe replacement parts are on the pricey side, but it’s only money – you’ll make more.
However, if you are concerned about the cost of repairs for a water cooled Porsche, might I show you something else? How about a sporty car that can withstand copious abuse for four decades, have replacement parts so plentiful they almost grow on trees, and whose parts have more interchangeability than a bucket of Legos?
May I present to you:
The GM F-body.
Sure, these F-bodies have been used as heavily as a roll of toilet paper during a colonoscopy preparation – but they have longevity unlike anything else we’ve ever sold. Billy Joe Jim Bob down the street is sure eyeing this ’78-ish Formula. It is definitely the pick of our F-body litter.
We have three F-bodies on our lot, all are as solid as an oak tree and have roughly the same life expectancy. Come get yours now because they won’t stay on our lot forever!
This black one should be arriving next week.
Perhaps you are aiming for novelty instead of ubiquity and just can’t quite bring yourself to buy an F-body. We are pleased to offer this AMC Javelin.
Yes, this is the one I taunted you with earlier in the Nissan 300ZX picture, so here she is in all her glory. I guarantee if you buy this you won’t see another one for your entire trip home – especially if you live outside North America.
***Disclaimer*** If you live outside North America, we do not recommend driving it for the entire duration of your return trip. People in Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and various other locales have that pesky water issue to contend with and should plan accordingly. Those in South America are encouraged to take all necessary precautions.
So much talk these days is about space efficiency and utilization. Take a look at the glovebox and you can only conclude AMC was truly ahead of their time. Think of all the storage possibilities being squandered in contemporary console-mobiles. AMC was visionary.
Some people just require a little more room or seek a more sophisticated aura. We seek to satisfy and have this nifty 1977 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme.
While the front wheels are long gone, please don’t think we skimp on safety. This jack has four points of contact in comparison to the two provided by the missing wheels, so this Oldsmobile is as secure as a reinforced concrete bunker.
Even better, since it isn’t a Brougham model, you don’t have to worry about all that extra gingerbread growing stale – or molding, since the window was left down by some irresponsible prankster.
We offer quite the variety of upscale cars for those with more discerning tastes. This 1979 Cadillac Eldorado is the cat’s meow of this generation of Eldo’s. Not afflicted with the V8-6-4 or the HT-4100, this Eldorado is likely as durable as any of our tempting F-bodies.
Just a little air in the tires and you’ll be ready to drive off into the sunset, drinking mint juleps (virgin, of course) and eating bacon sandwiches. Could life get any better?
Yes, it could. Maybe you don’t like the color of our illustrious Eldorado and seek something more refined. This Oldsmobile Toronado should do quite nicely.
Black says class, and a Toronado with a moonroof and devoid of a vinyl scalp reflects you are an independent thinker and a formidable person. This may be my pick of the litter.
If black paint is your thing, let me show you not one,
But two BMW 740iL choices. Yes, we at the CC Sales Lot do love German cars with two Volkswagen’s and a third 740 in this picture.
Here at the CC Sales Lot, we do offer a variety of services. For instance, this Cadillac recently came in riding on some truly hideous 56 inch rims. It was a travesty beyond description and a person needed a six-foot step ladder just to get inside. Thankfully, our expert mechanic gave this wonderful Coupe deVille a donkectomy, so it doesn’t look quite so redonkulous.
Get yourself a Cadillac and put the savings for having purchased pre-owned toward your retirement and a hefty tax dedonktion. It pays to strategically use your money.
The owner is planning an upcoming visit to his newest and most profitable franchisee. For his visit I told him he could partake of this nice Cadillac. He politely demurred.
He claimed cruising the area in such a Cadillac would be sending more mixed messages than a ratty Mercedes parked next to a recycle dumpster. Luckily, I have ascertained he loves white cars and six cylinder engines.
Aha! I think I’ve found just the ticket!
I hope he likes it. It’s hard to go wrong with a Chrysler and this is an Imperial way for him to scan his used car empire.