CC Auto Body Repair: I’m Not Dick Teague

Ever since I was a little kid looking out at traffic from the back seat, I’ve detested the squinty look created by a beltline upsweep or upkick that raises the lower edge of any side glass. FoMoCo models were some of the worst, and for way too many model years, but Ford were far from the only offender. Just look (but not too long or too directly, to avoid nausea) at the misshapen, randomly-angled, thrown-on ugliness of the AMC Eagle’s quarter glass and its resultant sheetmetal heaviness and tacked-on/droopy appearance in the C- and D-pillars and quarter panel:

Now, I’m no Dick Teague, but on the other hand, I’m no Dick Teague. So I make no claim one way or the other here, and I felt no qualm about having a go at fixing the Eagle wagon; that’s the pic at the top of this post.

Despite the crudity of my Photoshoop skills (please excuse), I think it came out pretty well; at least enough better that I tackled another instance of gross overmass in the C-pillar and quarter panel:

This is the one that prompted five- or six-year-old me to ask my parents please not to get that kind of car because it hurt my eyes. Could wish I’d started with a larger photo, but maybe it’s just as well; I guess the small pic might hide some of my chopping sins. I inverted and stretched the rear side glass and lowered the beltline a bit to wind up with this:

Better, but still not quite right; it’s too much like an overinflated Toyota Starlet or something. I –wasted– productively spent time trying to reckon out why, and eventually figured out I’d added too much glass and subtracted too much funkatron, so:

Hey, there it is! Now we’re no longer quite so generic; it’s once again clearly an AMC shooting brake, only now the driver and rear passengers get to see out the car.

Then my luck ran out; all my efforts to put together a ’77-’79 Chev Caprice 4-door with the 2-door’s bent backglass failed very badly. It’s best you don’t see; deleting them was the merciful thing. So instead I’ll end this post with a real-life splice: Doug Dutra’s Dacuda. It’s a ’66 Barracuda with a ’64 Dart front end. I might’ve chosen a fishmouthed ’63 Dart grille instead, but just look how much more coherently this front end works with this body versus the Valiant front end on the production Barracuda: