This recent viral video of FedEx Express behaving like a Grinch got me thinking: What if the North Pole operated like a Freight Company?
Roadway Mack CH with Holiday Cheer
Having seniority Santa would use a sick day and the New Elf at the bottom of the board would be called in.
The Sleigh would not be loaded in route order and Elves would hold up Santa’s sleigh for over an hour, looking for a toy on the dock, only to find out they already loaded it. The Sugar plums and Spice would have been loaded with Poison at the break-bulk and destroyed; the other toys would be crushed after being loaded 3000lb skid of coal. The Kwanzaa Decorations, Festivus Poles and Hanukkah Menorahs would be misplaced until February in the nose of the Over, Short and Damaged holding trailer.
Rudolf would be red-tagged out of service behind the stable with the bulb for his nose on back order from North Pole Freightliner. He would be replaced by a rental reindeer at triple the cost from Penske. Several of the newer Reindeer would be sick and need a trip to the vet after being fed regular feed rather than the special ultra low sulfur feed required for all of those born after 2007.
Mack Pinnacle Loading the National Christmas Tree
Mrs. Clause the “Sleigh Dispatcher” would hang up on the Elf after he gets lost after being detoured through Halloweentown. The good boys and girls on the west coast would not get their presents until the next day as the Elf was unfamiliar with the route and ran out of hours and had to stop driving per Federal DOT regulations. All of the Coal consigned for Wall Street would get the Elf a ticket for being over axle weight on the back of the Sleigh.
The parents would have a conniption when they got the bill for holiday delivery, inside residential delivery, liftgate service, sorting & segregating & repalletizing the presents and the 35% Reindeer feed surcharge.
You forget the driver attempting delivery at 3am and not being able to obtain a signature therefore delaying delivery another day or so. And then of course there is the customs paperwork that won’t get through Canada because it was filled out incorrectly.
Hey, don’t get me started!!! UPS is even worse! My wife’s mom had pottery shipped to us– from the store, swathed in bubble wrap– and when it arrived broken, the first response of UPS was “Our driver didn’t break it” and then “It’s your fault, since it was wrapped incorrectly”… WTF?!! Needless to say, we shall NEVER use UPS again, since their “insurance” is worthless– and, according to friends, the corporation has a regular policy of not honoring their insurance, giving customers the run-around when they complain… UPS = Pure Evil…
I wasn’t aware of this video until this article, (if it went viral I guess I didn’t catch the infection) but after googling it further, it looks like the company has done the right thing in responding to this incident. I suppose with so many employees and so many deliveries to make, things like this is bound to happen sometimes. Who among us hasn’t had a bad day at work? Though taking it on innocent customer is not the correct way to resolve it, of course. Good thing someone caught it.
I had a FedEx-shipped monitor arrive in pieces several years ago. It was a used monitor and the ebay seller could have done a bit better job packing it. The FedEx driver was back down the driveway about three seconds after dropping the box…I think he suspected.
Years ago I shipped home from college in Des Moines, Iowa, a big box full of books and old license plates. The trucking company wouldn’t ship it collect so I prepaid it. A couple of days after I got home a local trucking company driver showed up and said he had a box for me, I just had to pay the shipping. As soon as I fished the bill of lading out of my wallet he started to back down, and when I said “Would you take this box collect to ship to a private residence?” he said, well, no, and unloaded it for me.
Love the video but you need to realize in the original OEM packaging the monitor TV whatever will survive that treatment its designed to be handled without care. My first job as a swap driver was Panasonic I carted all the Panasonic and Fisher and Paykal electrical goods for Hawkes bay at least one full trailer every night sometimes two and yes stuff got dropped and nearly all of it survived. How well vans and trailers are loaded is the key to freight not being damaged everything has to be stacked so it wont move that isnt rocket science but youd be amazed just how many people cant do it and just how few drivers can drive smoothly or for that matter properly I cringe when I see brake lights glow on a truck on the highway trhats a pedal only used to take few revs off when jakeing. Mind the newbie elf will have heard rental trucks Jake best at 2500 rpm or more and will be certain to try it guess why they arent cheap to hire.