Sometimes you just have to get off of the train.
I have a friend. Actually, I have several; but the one I’m thinking of recently presented me with an interesting pronouncement. He wants to learn how to drive.
Now mind you, my friend is not under the age of 16. In fact, he’s 6 months older than me. We went to high school together, and were in the same driver’s education class nearly half a century ago. This was the same class I wrote about in my COAL. So he too spent time in the Stimulator as well as behind the wheel on the “range” being yelled at by the helmeted Mr. Freeman.
Put a football helmet on this guy and he could be Mr. Freeman. Guy on the right? Principal Sansabelt or the owner of Mountain Ford?
The difference in 1977 between me and my friend is that at the end of my class I marched down to the MVA, got my license, and it’s been wheels to the ground for me ever since. My friend unenthusiastically took the road test, passed, and then put the resulting license in his wallet…where except for periodic renewals (in multiple states, none involving a driving test) it has stayed unused. He’s never set butt behind the steering wheel again.
Found photo from about when I got my license. There’s a chance that’s my Mom in her Town and Country wagon getting ready to pull into the Bethesda Grand Union. I was a Safeway or Giant guy myself; although I did love the conveyor belt at the Grand Union that delivered groceries to the curbside pull-up.
But, life brings changes, and now this friend lives in a very large midwestern city where nearly everyone drives (unlike the very large eastern city where he lived for 25 years and hardly anyone seemed to drive). After living 20 years in this very large midwestern city, and now being the parent of a young child who has the transportation needs that all of our nation’s children have, he’s come to the conclusion that it’s time to step up to American adult responsibility and learn how to drive.
How does someone who is closer in age to when people often start thinking about hanging up the keys…versus taking them up fresh…actually learn to master driving? That’s my QOTD.
Of course I am quite aware of all of the practical answers to this question. Yes, he could absolutely go take driving lessons from a driving school.
He’s from “France”
There are certainly driver’s schools that cater to older students. I in fact suggested that he give a call to Beldar down at Meepzor Precision Discount Driving School. I’m sure there are lots of other places to choose from.
By the way, when I watch that clip, I sort of get the idea that this was their regular car and they might have driven around like that all of the time. With the special driver’s ed shoes and everything.
But frankly, while most of us likely took driver training at some point, I don’t know many people who credit “driving lessons” with actually teaching them how to drive. So might this be a waste of time and expense for my friend? (I think he should do it if only for the shoes – which is essentially my same take on bowling — but I guess you only got those driver’s ed shoes in pre-war Cleveland.) He seems to suspect that taking lessons would be unnecessary. And the thing is, my friend already has a perfectly legal driver’s license. He in all likelihood won’t have to take another road test – beyond the one he took in Maryland at the age of 16 — for the rest of his life.
If that little fact doesn’t scare you the crap out of you next time you’re out on the road, it should…but I digress.
So in fact as far as the law is concerned, my friend could plop himself behind the wheel of the family car (his wife drives, so they have a car) and take off. I’m actually convinced that this is exactly how many drivers on the road around me at any given time learned to drive. Certainly seems so. It’s all trial and error with hopefully not too many errors. But the point is that this guy has been legally licensed for as long as I have. He’s just never driven. Never had a need to. Never lived in a place that did not have highly functional public transportation. Always had someone else to drive on vacations and such. Was just never interested in driving. Until now.
Thankfully, he’s good with the idea that his first forays behind the wheel (in 45 years) will be in an empty parking lot. He’ll find some brave soul to sit next to him on that expedition, just like I did with my then-15 year old not too long ago. But soon enough he’ll need to venture out onto the road, with traffic, because the goal is to be able to do that with the kid and eventually cross roughly half of that very large midwestern city twice a day taking the kid to and from school. If he can accomplish that, he’d be satisfied.
I wonder a lot of things about this whole process. Having recently raised someone with a male adolescent brain, I am fully aware of how that brain typically functions to shut down thoughts of caution, mortality, the financial and moral responsibility of wrecking or damaging a car, etc. But without that “protective” ignorance, what’s the best way to get a 60 year old brain to block out all of the thoughts involving the danger involved in city driving so that one can log the miles, gain the experience, and become an actual (versus just licensed) driver?
At least this time around he probably won’t bother with the ever-terrorizing “how to parallel park” portion of the program.
I believe that much of my thinking about this whole situation reflects my personal opinion that driving is a craft honed over a lifetime of practice. It’s something like learning to play a musical instrument…except in a crazy kind of band with many other players who are more or less skilled than you, and who could kill you via their playing. Maybe if I can figure out how my friend can learn to drive at our age, I can figure out how to play the mandolin. Finally.
So, CC community, toss out your ideas about learning to drive late in life. Driving school or no driving school? Thoughts about how best to get road experience? Anyone ever tried something like this, or know someone who has? How did that work out?
All photos found on the web, except for my opening picture of a very large midwestern city’s public transportation system.
It’s very possible that your friend, with a lifetime avoiding errant drivers as a pedestrian in a busy city and observing traffic from a bus seat, along with general life experience, has very good judgment about active safety. So he may just need some behind the wheel time with a good passenger who’s a good driver – maybe even his wife? Perhaps start in a parking lot, then move on to quiet streets, then busier streets and highways. As for the shoes, he better hurry as I believe white shoes in Cleveland should not be worn after Labor Day. Even behind the wheel.
Some general thoughts:
There are people who learn all kinds of new things at quite advanced ages, and there are others who almost never learn anything even when they’re young. If your friend is fit enough to be a new father at this age, and if he keeps himself physically and mentally in good shape, I see zero issues with getting behind the wheel.
Being a new parent (mother or father) creates a lot of hormonal changes that are all for the better. It’s also a powerful motivator.
Maturity, intelligence and fitness will readily overcome age in this case, up to a point. I’ve heard stories of immigrants learning to drive at pretty advanced ages. It’s not that hard, actually.
As to the specific means, whatever seem suitable: a driving school or a trusted friend.
I think you’re overthinking this a bit. As Nike’s ad says: “Just do it”. 60 is really not that old.
Absolutely. 60 is really not that old. I tell myself that nearly every day. 🙂
I don’t think there’s any physical reason why someone in their ’60s can’t learn to drive. That being said, you’re asking about someone who completed drivers’ ed and then proceeded to keep his license renewals and issuances up to date for decades without ever driving. There’s something else going on here.
I’m leaving Sunday for some intense classroom training in Union Operations and Labor Law.
(Any readers in Salt Lake City? What should I eat? Thanks!)
I haven’t set foot in a classroom in 35+ years. I’m scared and nervous as heck. But as Yogi Berra (probably never) said, “The only way to do it is to do it.”
And that’s all the advice I have for your friend.
For a great meal in SLC have lunch at Siegfried’s Delicatessen downtown.
thanks!!
You say his wife drives, and owns a car? I don’t understand how he could not know how to drive.
Does seem a bit unusual.
My brother, now 74, got his licence when he was 16. He learned to drive a standard transmission and drove when necessary, but he never enjoyed driving. He drove less and less, and did not own a car and just stopped in his early 20s. He lives in a city with great public transit, so he has no trouble getting around. He has continued to renew his licence as it is a useful piece of ID. He got married about 25 years ago and his wife drives and owns a car, but he has never returned to driving. As odd as it seems to me, he is just not interested in driving or in cars, but he is really keen on trains.
I agree with Dman, Paul and Paulson above that your friend is not too old to drive — like Dman alluded to, I bet that his familiarity with driving (well, passengering) here in the US for decades is a better preparation than virtually anything else.
However, I’m sure this varies greatly by individual. Some folks just pick up certain new tasks easier than others.
I vividly recall when I was a kid, my grandmother learned to drive at age 65. She was recently widowed, and didn’t want to rely on family members or public transit for daily needs. She did, in fact, pass her driver’s test, but she never felt comfortable driving, and from what I understand she made her passengers extremely nervous. My grandmother was an adventurous person and she enjoyed being in cars, so her lack of comfort behind the wheel was somewhat out of character. It’s just something that didn’t click with her, but then again, that can happen at any age… after all, I had a Drivers Ed classmate in high school who just couldn’t get the hang of driving, and wasn’t able to pass the course.
I wish your friend best of luck – and chance are that he’ll have a better time with it than my Grandmother!
I bet that his familiarity with driving (well, passengering) here in the US for decades is a better preparation than virtually anything else.
I’d say that depends heavily on the person. If there really has been no interest in learning to drive they may just happily enjoy the scenery rather to absorbing the details of actually driving.
Definitely an interesting situation.
I agree with Paul on following Nike’s slogan of just doing it.
Who to help? I’d suggest a good friend as the first choice, a driving school as the second, and the wife as the last choice. Certainly I don’t know him or his wife, but why put them in a potentially stressful situation if not required.
That, Scoutdude, is an excellent point. I know that I’d help him out by doing the teaching myself if I were there. Unfortunately I didn’t learn of his interests until it was too late in my last trip out there to find the time to start the process with him. I might have to go out there again soon. But definitely, I don’t think anyone should be teaching their spouse to drive.
Ever.
My mother didn’t learn how to drive until she was 52. Me? Driving and riding motorcycles came naturally at a VERY young age. I can ride anything from a Honda 50 to a Harley Road King.I can drive anything from a D9 Cat to a electric pallet jack. No lessons ever needed here!
As has been said previously, it depends a lot on the person and their experiences,. personality and learning style. I once had the misfortune of teaching someone who was only in his mid 20’s, but clearly was not cut out for operating machinery- any machinery. In this guy’s case it became clear to me that he had never really been exposed to anything mechanical, had not even a basic rudimentary understanding of inertia, physics, or indeed even gravity. This may sound dramatic, but in truth he’d been raised in an urban environment by parents who drove, but never beyond a range of about 10 miles of surface street grid in Brooklyn, and he just had never really paid any attention to the “how” of the whole thing. Combine this with an inner-city Millenial’s typical experiences in travel, which consist mostly of staring at a screen while wearing headphones and getting off/out of whatever transport vessel you were riding when it stops and the doors open, and one could be forgiven for thinking this person unteachable. It came out during this ill-fated experience that he’d actually never learned to ride a bicycle, which went a long way to helping me understand why the essential basic understanding of how rolling objects behave was a mystery to him. He does now hold a valid license and is capable in a very broad sense of safely getting a vehicle from one place to another, but it’s still a frustrating and often terrifying thing to witness. While your friend might take to it very well, there’s something about this story that gives me pause. He never rented a car to go to the country for the weekend? He’s never opted to hop in the car and drive to the supermarket for a forgotten item? Having a valid license and never taking the initiative to use it for all those years smacks of some degree of either fear or distrust of one’s own abilities, either of which might make for an overly anxious driver, which is just as bad as an overly reckless one. It could go either way. I hope you’ll update us when he decides what actions to take.
MTN, your story contains some definite connections to my friend’s situation. Basically, it seems that the guy you were trying to teach was a more extreme version of my friend (the fact that that guy learned to drive is in fact quite hopeful for my friend’s situation).
My friend does indeed ride a bike, so he has some idea of objects in motion…but he is really really uncomfortable with mechanical devices. They make him anxious and when confronted with having to operate something mechanical he gets rapidly frustrated and seeks to end the experience. That said, he has good manual dexterity (he’s a visual artist) but is just frustrated nearly constantly by anything with moving parts. I think that a car is just several orders of magnitude more than anything that he’s ever been comfortable operating.
As for the issue that you and others here have raised about how come he’s never just hopped in a car when it was more convenient than not to drive…well, basically living nearly always in an urban environment, there really wasn’t ever any place where he couldn’t walk, take public transportation, or even bike (although he’s largely stopped that for safety reasons…urban biking does get scarier by the day). And when he’s in the country, there’s always someone else along who has the car and does the driving.
Based on this I’d say step #1 for him is to do like many of us did when we were too young to drive and that is to go make vroom-vroom noises in the driver’s seat with the car off. OK I’m joking about making the noises, but just sitting in the driver’s seat and getting comfortable with the basic controls will likely reduce the stress when it comes time to actually drive. So yeah everyday find 10-15 min to go out and sit in the car practicing using the turn signals, wipers, lights ect until he gets to the point where he feels comfortable operating those items, hopefully by touch.
The one thing that COULD work with the wife is to just make sure to pay attention to what she does when she drives. I say could because you don’t want to her to feel like she is being judged.
The other reason why that might not be a good idea reminds me of an joke I heard decades ago.
This guy gets a new job in a new small town. Lunch time rolls around and he asks his coworker where is a good place for lunch. The coworker says there is this great BBQ place that you’ll love, I’ll drive.
They head out and while pulling out of the parking lot the new guy notices that the coworker blows through the stop sign, but doesn’t think too much off it since it was clear there were no cars coming. Next stop sign same thing, blows right through it. The new guy starts to get worried and then they come to a stop light. The light turns yellow when they are still a long way from the light and sure enough it turns red before they get there but the coworker doesn’t slow down at all and blows trough the red light.
The new guy says “hey you just ran that red light!” The coworker’s response, “don’t worry my brother drives like this”. He then proceeds on heading to the next red light not slowing at all. At the last minute the light turns green and the coworker slams on his brakes skidding to a stop. The new guy says “why in the world did you stop? The light turned green.
“My brother might be coming”.
Which is a long way of saying if his wife doesn’t use turn signals, cuts off other drivers, ignores speed limits has a lot of tickets and/or accidents he probably shouldn’t be emulating how she drives.
That would be the bonus to a driving school or at least a good instructor, so there isn’t too much “do as I say, not as I do”.
Ha! Great joke, and good suggestion (about getting used to the controls).
(And actually, she’s a fine driver…I’ve ridden with her often.)
I have a friend who in his late 50s or so learned to drive. He had never needed to drive in his native country, and his wife was willing to drive him around as necessary. But things in their lives changed so that it would be better if both of them could drive, so he learned. I understand that he’s a pretty good driver.
As for special shoes, I can tell you where playing a musical instrument and wearing special shoes come together: the organ. Yep, we organists have learned that special shoes (much like dance shoes) help with sensing exactly where a pedal is and hitting it and not its neighbors.
David, I think that your friend’s story – of not needing to drive in his native country – is quite similar to my friend’s experience of having lived in 2 of the most densely-populated cities in the US for his entire adult life. It’s just not necessary to know how to drive in NYC. Surely many people want to know how to do it…but if you don’t want to, and you don’t need to, why would you?
Also, thanks for providing my “what I learned today” factoid! I had no idea that organists wore special shoes. Cool!!
My mother in law was a little like your friend – she learned to drive when she was young, but probably didn’t drive much. She quit altogether after she got married, but then after her third child got a license, she got one too (after maybe 20 years or more). That said, she refused to drive on interstate highways and never drove anything other than her own (very small) cars.
If your friend can handle a bike in traffic, and having gotten at least some experience through driver’s ed (while long ago) I think he can do it. Cars today are so much less intimidating than those behemoths of the 70s. They are smaller (usually), safer and operate so uniformly that he should be good. Start in the parking lot, then start cruising suburban neighborhoods – as long as he doesn’t stay in the same one too long and get reported for suspicious behavior. 🙂
Not too late, especially with a lifetime of exposure to vehicles.
My grandfather learned to drive at 42, when he moved to Canada. He never drove in the Netherlands, and I suspect his exposure to vehicles was minimal as well.
He wasn’t a great driver, he drove 35mph everywhere and left the radio and heater controls to my grandmother, who never learned to drive.
I would recommend starting with a Driving School even if he has a legal driver’s license. A trained driver’s ed instructor would know how to handle the situation. It also removes the “liability” part if while relearning he gets into an accident. Once he has experience with the Driver’s Ed teacher, then maybe offer to take him on the road some. Some city and somehighway driving. Also ask the driver’s ed teacher for some practice DMV tests even if he doesn’t have to take them. Laws change some over 50 years and the refresher would probably do him some good. If he is 60 he can probably afford to pay a professional. The Driver’s Ed teacher could also tell him about the laws with kids and car seats. Also the Driver’s Ed teacher could maybe give him some experience on new car features such as ABS, back up cameras, and other high tech driving features. The more practice he gets the better. Car insurance should be a lot cheaper at 60 for him than at 16 also. :)! These are my thoughts. I wish him good luck!
I’d say it all depends on the driving instructor. Around here we have one that touts how their instructors are police officers. One of my daughter’s friends, who was slightly older went to them. She recounted how during one of their early driving sessions the instructor told them to drive to a location, then reclined the seat and took a nap. She ended up getting most of her practical driving practice at the wheel of our car with my wife at her side and my daughter in back.
My Aunt Betty started driving at 60. She had also lived in NYC where driving was abnormal. After her husband died she moved to Oklahoma where other relatives lived, and where driving is almost a necessity. (Though there was good taxi service back then.) As an added complication, she had been blind for a few years due to glaucoma. Surgery restored useful vision, but only in the narrow range of her heavy glasses. Still, she took lessons, bought a new ’60 Rambler, and drove from NYC to Oklahoma. She loved driving for about 10 years until her narrow vision caused a serious accident. After that she stopped.
Lack of practice wasn’t a problem.
Interesting to see if he’ll choose the “old school” method where the driver sits in a position to see out the windows, watch the road, and “actually drive” the vehicle. I still see a few (other than myself)) each day.
I’ve always been curious about the masses that drive with the seat reclined so they can’t see outside, stare at “whatever” is in their hand/hands, stop at one stop sign a week, and treat every traffic signal as if it’s green. Oh, almost forgot, never ever drive less then 40mph.
Let us know.
My mother didn’t learn how to drive until she was 44 after my dad suffered a serious back injury and couldn’t drive for a year or so. She drove well into her 80s with zero accidents or tickets.
My dad was 53 when I taught him how to operate a manual transmission. He didn’t turn into Mario Andretti or anything, but he learned well enough to drive a handshift rentcar in Paris.
Well, he must have learned good if he was able to make it through Paris traffic. Or at least I’ll bet there are some good stories there.
I have found myself several times assuring my friend that it would not be necessary for him to learn how to drive a manual. Particularly because his family’s car – in case he hadn’t noticed it – is an automatic.
He hadn’t noticed that.
The only story I heard was they got stuck in a car park because they couldn’t get the car into reverse. Mother hadn’t driven a handshift car since a late-’50s VW Beetle handed down from her folks, and dad never had, so they had no idea about a safety lockout (push the gear knob down/lift a collar around the gearstick, etc). They put the car in Neutral, pushed it out of its space, and went merrily forward. But yeah, they did come back alive from Paris, so that’s got to count for something.
I agree with you that your friend needn’t complicate matters by trying to learn how to work a manual transmission. But even if that were on the agenda, learning to operate the car isn’t the hard part. The hard part is learning how to see. Leaving aside the teen-specific factors (parts of the brain that deal with risk assessment and consequences aren’t yet up and running, etc), it takes practice and experience to be able to quickly see and accurately risk-assess the relevant elements in the visual field, on an ongoing and dynamic basis.
It’s more than just good gaze practices—keep focus well up the road, not down close to the car; maintain regular scan of rear and side mirrors, etc, though those are crucial. It’s learning by experience to be primed for what kinds of hazards could emerge, where, and how. One technique for practising on this is for the driver to do running commentary, right out loud, of what they see and what they’re doing. “We’re on a residential street, and a kid could jump out into the road, so I’m prepared to jump on the brake…that minivan ahead just pulled over and stopped, so the door could open into my path…I have limited seeing distance around that bend…I’m stopping at this stop sign, looking right-left-right, creeping forward so I can see past the parked cars and stopping again to wait for a gap, and I’ve got my right turn signal on…that traffic light up ahead has been green for as long as I’ve seen it, so it could be ‘stale’ and about to go yellow” etc.
Make sure they get in plenty of nighttime practise, as well.
The driver’s job is to avert each of an endless stream of emergencies. Tell your friend that, and have them really think about it, every time they set out. That’s the right mindset.
Daniel, that is a terrific point about learning how to see and risk-assess. I believe that this is exactly the type of skill that I refer to when I talk about how good driving is like learning how to master a musical instrument. It’s a habit of mind that is not so much learned as it is developed. I know that my own abilities in this regard have improved over time (until they start eventually to diminish, but I’m not there yet).
Your suggestion about giving the running commentary out loud is a great point and not something that I’ve thought of. It’s something that I wish I’d done with my own kid. Such a good idea. My friend is an excellent story-teller and is very meta cognitive, so he may take well to that suggestion.
That musical instrument analogy is a very apt one, and so is your distinction between learned and developed skill.
Aside from honing relevant observation skills and situational awareness, running commentary keeps the driver’s mind on the task(s) at hand and helps develop and sharpen decision logic: “I’m scanning my mirrors…there’s a truck coming up on my tail, so I’m signalling and moving to the right lane…that car ahead of me is edging over in their lane, as if they’re going to brake or turn; I’m backing off a little. This is a one-way street, so I only have to watch for traffic coming from my left, but I still have to look right before I go, in case there are pedestrians.”
Also, it gives the co-driver/instructor an opportunity to provide cues: “What do you make of that green sedan? What does that truck look like it might do?”
Excellent advise. I would ad to acknowledge every green light well before you breeze through it. Right turn, no turn, left turn, stop. Driving gets busy. I read of a fatal accident where the surviving driver prayed out loud, “Oh Lord, please let that light have been green. That’s a heavy burden to carry if you goofed.
…and a really interesting grammatical construction, please let that light have been green.
When my kids were approaching driving age I would occasionally do similar running commentary as I drove them around.
Not exactly the same, but my Mother learned to drive on fluid drive semi-automatic Chrysler Windsor, but really was never comfortable with a manual transmission. My Dad bought his first new car before meeting her, and it was a manual. The next car they bought (and every “family” car from then on, though my Dad usually bought a manual transmission 2nd car up until 1974) was an automatic.
In 1998, she was going on a trip to Europe with her brother, who has a tendency to have odd things happen to him on trips, so she wanted to be able to back him up as a driver, as just the 2 of them went. We live 1900 miles away from her brother, so I took my mother to an abandoned Walmart parking lot to give her a refresher in my car. She did ok, but really didn’t seem to enjoy driving manual, guess she’s a bit nervous, though the trip turned out fine, she didn’t need to drive at all as it turned out.
Neither of my grandmothers ever learned to drive, might be a bit generational, and they did live in a city where there was at least some public transport, and my grandfathers both did drive. I think my mother might have actually helped teach my grandfather to drive, he didn’t have a car until he was in his 50s when he bought the new Chrysler with the fluid drive. My grandfather ran a mom/pop grocery store, and although he got deliveries, some things he’d just pick up himself in the Chrysler for the store, so he needed a vehicle. I don’t know exactly why my grandmothers never drove, they could have learned but for some reason didn’t….one didn’t exactly have the temperment, would get very excited or panicy at times. I think they were just very tranditional, expected their husbands would do the driving, or else just took the bus or otherwise got rides from other people who did drive.
My Mother stopped driving last year, even my departed Dad stopped driving a few years before he passed away…it was even a big adjustment for me, where my parents had always driven, now they couldn’t. Might be small, but sometimes I’d count on them for a ride to a service facility, but now that wasn’t possible. Dad really missed driving, I think my Mom a bit less so.
My thought process is that a more mature driver logging their first real miles behind the wheel will be more deliberate than a teenager in paying attention to good driving practices than simply getting that license.
Also, many corporate mergers that are so common these days force the learning of new systems, workflows, and the like, which affect mature workers the same as younger ones.
My final thought is that it’s never too old to learn to drive, and I think it would be a worthwhile endeavor for a skill that would extend beyond your friend’s own needs.
And the next time I’m in Bethesda, I need to check the coordinates of that old grocery store! Great shot of the L car, too.
I’m sure you’re right about the mature mind vs. a teenager.
Sadly, the grocery store is gone. As is the Hot Shoppes/Roy Rogers that was right next to it, and the used car lot across the street. All replaced by awful (IMO) generic high rise office and/or condos. Bethesda is pretty much unrecognizable to someone like myself (who left there in about 1980). It changed practically overnight in the years between roughly 1985 and 1990. The only building that’s still there – maybe in that entire picture (which is from about 1976) – is the Bank of Bethesda building which you can make out on the far left of the picture. It was a huge battle for the historic preservationists to keep that one from being razed, as that’s some of the most expensive real estate in the nation. The Grand Union didn’t have a chance.
I don’t actually know for sure, but I suspect my father learned to drive during the war when in the RAF. I know he shared a car (an upright Ford ‘Pop’) with his brother in the 1950s when they both lived at the same address, but he was a keen cyclist all his life so that was his main means of transport both for commuting and leisure. We always lived in the London suburbs so there was little need to own a car for most journeys though he kept a driving licence and occasionally would hire a car for a particular journey. Even so I can only remember two occasions when that happened, one in the mid-’60s (105E Ford Anglia), the other the early ’70s (Hillman Avenger, I think) the latter when he was about 60. Both occasions involved odd cross-country holiday trips.
My grandmother never learned to drive.
Sometime in the 1960s she gave it a shot, bumped a curb and never got behind the wheel again.
2009 ended up being the last year that she was able to get around unassisted. She went from climbing stairs on her own to needing someone to lift her and set her down. The change was relatively sudden. (She lived until 2016 at 99 years old in relative discomfort, but that’s another story)
Anyway, relatives had tried many times over the decades to get her to try driving again. She had no real need to do it as my aunt was retired and lived with her most of the time and took her to wherever she needed to go. If not, me or my wife or another family member would do it.
But in 2009 something weird happened.
My grandmother put ketchup on her meat loaf.
We were all eating at her home, enjoying her food.
Truth be told, I never liked her meat loaf. As a kid I had to eat what was put on my plate without question, and I ended up eating that terrible meat loaf for decades later out of politeness and she never suspected that I hated it. Mmm good!
Anyway, one day we were all there pretending to love the meat loaf when Gramma grabbed the bottle of ketchup and poured it zig-zaggy on top.of the meat and then began to eat it.
Her dislike of ketchup had been well documented over her lifetime. She hated the smell of it. Didn’t even want to touch the bottle lest some be on the outside. Yet somehow here she was eating ketchup.
When asked what was up with that she just said “I like it now.”
After dinner we were in the front room watching the Matlock/Columbo channel which was on. Never watched, but always on. But nevermind.
After witnessing the Ketchup Miracle I figured anything was possible, seize the day and all that, and over the next couple of hours or so I got her not only willing but excited to let me teach her how to drive. I wasn’t sure how to go about it, but I figured I’d think of something.
My grandmother was gonna learn to drive at 92!
I was excited for her. At 92 she was still sharp as a tack and her body worked well enough to drive a modern car.
Then one day she hurt too much.
And that was that.
We missed the narrow window of opportunity and she never did drive. Actually never noticed her using ketchup again either.
Maybe it was just a weird day, or she had a moment of clarity about her time running low and last chances or something, but it was not to be.
I love this story about your Grandma!
Well, at least she got over the ketchup thing. At 92, maybe all other unexplored experiences are (as they say) gravy.
My Nana learned to drive in her early 60s after granpa died, she did quite a lot all at once, but after all the grief etc she had a near new Morris Minor sitting in her garage going to waste, someone Im not sure who taught her to operate it and they did a good job of it, Armed with a freshly minted licence she had the colour change on her Morris from blue to pale pink and she was away I as a child rode with her a lot it was fun I was allowed to shift the gears for her and hold it in gear when the 4 speed began failing, I also saw how to feed the steering instead of using the hand over hand method and how to use opposite lock when the old girl didnt slow enough for tight turns, by 15 years old that Minor was worn out ever day it did hard hill starts and got driven quite hard cold the gearbox now jumped out of 2nd and 3rd and the tiny 903cc OHV engine was burning oil, so it was traded on a used 68 2 door Vauxhall Viva which lasted untill she could no longer drive due to arthritus in her 80s, of course your friend can learn later in life.
»snerk«
I can’t even begin to figure out how much money I would have saved had I never started to buy cars, insure them, pay for gas, insurance, registration, taxes, repairs, etc and instead just live in cities with a good public transportation system which when I lived in SF at least, you could even get monthly passes paid for with pre-tax dollars as an incentive if the employer didn’t just flat out offer them as a freebie. I’d imagine now it’s potentially even easier what with the “ride-share” stuff as well as scooters etc, at least in a well-designed major city with a good network (yes, a rarity here). It’s really a shame he now has the need to learn and pay all the associated expenses in order to drive due to need, rather than need to drive a car to help him earn income, but he had a great run of it there for 44 years!
I have been teaching for 32 years. Some people learn quickly, some more slowly and quite a few not at all. I like to think I learn new stuff pretty quickly but other my age don’t.
Jim makes it quite clear: not driving saves tons’o’money. If I didn’t have to use my car for business I wouldn’t have one. This brings me to my university student adult children. At age 22 and 20, neither is interested in driving and why would they be? They have UPass, or university transit pass included in their tuition, at $45 a month. The bus stop is 2 minutes away, express busses five and a train station ten.
My brother’s MIL grew up in Brooklyn and didn’t learn to drive until her husband got cancer when she was 57. She would drive the racetrack from CT to NoVA and back in her 70s. She’ll be 100 in September, but she quit driving entirely a decade ago.
My father and his siblings were older orphans by the end of WWII. They are Lithuanians of German extract, and eventually left a displaced person’s camp in the British Sector for the United States in 1949.
His oldest sister was already 24 when arriving in the States, so had missed the traditional learn to drive years. She married quickly, and she and her husband had a string of Impalas they bought new, living in a modest home they bought new in the late ’50s. He worked for the municipal utility company.
There just didn’t seem to be a need for her to drive while raising kids, after raising them, a bus or a ride from her husband to her job at Sears made due.
When her husband died, she was only in her late 50s, so decided to take up driving. Never a problem and it gave her an opportunity for some new adventures as a widow with an empty nest. She did great up to her passing at the age of 90, driving an ’80s vintage Olds Firenza.
My mother, 15 years younger than my aunt, mostly grew up in post-war prosperity, and by 1956, a newly minted two-car family – with automatic transmissions! Not surprisingly, she was driving as young as the law allowed.
Best of luck to your friend with his new adventure!
(My high school had a Stimulator as well, a 15 year old boy’s dream.)
As a young man of only 60, I think learning to drive is well within your friends capabilities. Assuming they’re average or better. He will have the advantage of a lower testosterone level than most males at ~16, and wisdom should help, but most don’t learn as quickly at 60 as at 16.
Diverging a bit, but not really, I’m eternally confounded by the dichotomy in driving, on one had it seems so simple, and is, but it really is a complex process with near infinite variables, reading traffic, cars that drive in a manner that give you added caution, even though they aren’t doing anything all that odd. I think learning to anticipate things will be the biggest challenge. Doable for sure, and many drive with distinctly limited skills, but it’s not as simple as it might sound.
Yup. Operating a vehicle is not complicated, but driving is not simple. It’s the most complex—and dangerous—task virtually any of us does.
Yep. I especially agree with your last paragraph. Much of my recent driving has been fairly mindless tasks, like driving secondary roads to and from work and other destinations in a semi-rural setting, about 30-40% daytime and the rest at night during off peak hours. Most of the challenges involve slightly inattentive drivers, trying to keep others’ junky headlights and LED light bars from searing my night vision away, and navigating around the occasional large piece of agricultural equipment using the road to travel between farms… But on my way home from work a couple of days ago, I just started to enter a sweeping bend (about a 75 degree turn) on the outside of the curve; I was going about 5mph over the 45 limit. Right as it cleared the A-pillar on my truck, I caught a glimpse of a vehicle approaching the corner at an extremely high rate of speed. Just before I picked up the sound of the engine at full tilt, I started moving toward the shoulder of the road while decelerating to give the oncoming car some extra berth while scanning to see if it was safe to depart the road if the car didn’t make the corner. I heard tires howling as the (I think) circa 2015 Impala flew past me at maybe 90mph; the car did drift pretty close to the centerline, but ultimately did make corner, if only barely. This whole scene played out in 3-4 seconds- so you have to take notice, then plan and execute almost immediately.
I have actually saved my own bacon (and a friend’s) exactly one time since I started driving in 1993, and that was when I was about 16 (got a full Driver’s License in Montana at age 15 in those years). It was when someone in an underpowered vehicle was trying to overtake on a two lane road, and completely failed to “give it up” and move back into their own lane when it was clear that they couldn’t complete the pass. I dove down into a shallow, grassy ditch, then hopped back up onto the highway without completely stopping. That was the precise moment I learned adrenaline was brown; the only casualty was my underwear.
I have been with a close friend, and also one girlfriend, who both completely froze up when confronted with a low speed collision coming their way. Fortunately, both incidents happened at very low speed, so the only injury was mild-to-moderate car body damage. No human damage in either case. Both collisions were easily preventable.
I agree. it opens up a whole other box of fish to say this, but I believe that this is why truly autonomous driving on open roads may be more the stuff of science fiction than actual reality.
In something of a CC-effect, the other day I was listening to a podcast where it was mentioned that “point and call” is a standard safety procedure on Japanese mass transit. Point and call being what Daniel was mentioning in the comment above about “running commentary” as a safety measure for inexperienced drivers.
Here’s a neat video of the practice in operation. I can’t imagine something like this working here in the US (I’m thinking about the rather large number of operator-error bus and subway accidents we have here in Boston…), but it seems to work well in Japan.