It was huge, white, ugly, and functional; what more can one ask from a van? A bit more actually, just a bit.
My friend’s propensity to breed had caused his family to outgrow his aging Suburban. He had spied the van at a used car dealership and wanted me to take a look at it. So there it sat on the back lot with no mufflers and a green sign that read Special $750.00. It was apparently a former school district vehicle, a one-ton, fifteen passenger with all vinyl seats, a 460 V8 and C6 transmission. We test drove it, looked it over and all, and it seemed to be a solid old van. And so, like Patty Hearst, he bought it.
Of course we put a muffler on it, but the one the dealer had thrown in to “sweeten the deal” was something closer to a Honda muffler than the huge factory one. So we bought the right muffler which actually cost less than a cheap “glass pack” or generic replacement.
Note the “special” sticker, never removed
Chris drove it for quite some time, and it was big enough to take both our families to the lake with a boat in tow, which it did admirably, turning long grades into effortless big block cruise control relaxation. It was the antithesis of our Toyota Van.
Now Chris has a certain dislike for all things mechanical. He bears a great deal of malice towards automobiles in general. His feeling are based on the idea that a car should serve a man and not the reverse. A great idea, and one that is catching on in more modern vehicles. But older vehicles and the people who designed and owned them saw it differently.
It used to be that a man had to care for his horse just as much, if not more than it cared for him. And when cars came along they were no different. If you care for your car, it will care for you. It’s a sort of covenant we make with anything we own. The more we own, the more it owns us. But modern engineering and thinking are changing all of that into. Nowadays, the more we own, the more we owe. Today you can buy a new car, drive it like you stole it, never check the oil or give a crap about it, and often it will go up to, or over one hundred thousand miles before it utterly fails.
But the covenant between man and horse and subsequently between man and car was never ascribed to by Chris. To wit, one day Chris calls me and asks me to come give him a ride. He says the van is broken down. I meet him at the broken van and immediately check the oil: there is none. Chris says “I just had it changed two or three months ago”. We buy oil, fill it up, it starts and runs just fine, score one for Ford, zero for its operator.
You would think that after that I would steer clear of said vehicle. But Chris used it for quite along time afterward with no issues. Except for the sliding door, that is. The sliding door is really one of those inventions like the battery powered shiatsu massager that promises much but only delivers on that promise under ideal circumstances. It seems that many vans, at least American ones, have something wrong with the overly complex mechanisms that operate them. I never seem to be able to find a van with conventional opening side doors, though I see them all over. The door on this van had a habit of popping open randomly, though usually when full of children. Eventually after numerous attempts to fix it, it began actually falling off if not closed just right. Search as we might, we could not find a good mechanism, as all the ones at the junk yards had been taken or were similarly broken, and Ford wanted a small fortune for a new one.
But in spite of all of this, when Chris decided to get a newer Ford van, I bought this one from him for three hundred bucks. My mother was living with us and she was taking care of my grandmother who also lived with us. So with the two of them and our five children, plus a friend or two on outings, and the dog too; well, a big van was a good replacement for our Suburban. It was actually a pretty good van. The miles-per-gallon were not too bad for having a 460 under the hood, being about twelve city, fourteen highway.
But it started to bug me that I could not have my cake and eat it too. I wanted a full sized four-wheel-drive van. All the four-wheel-drive vans for sale were very expensive, so I decided I would have to do it myself. I found an old Quadravan conversion that was ready for the crusher and bought it. It was a rusted out hulk but all the four wheel drive components were there.
The reality of it all
Unfortunately I had failed to take into account several factors. One, it was a twelve passenger model so simply swapping bodies was not an option. Two, it was a three quarter ton model, and when I looked at the frame web depth, I was astonished at the difference. The one-ton had nearly ten-inch frame rails. In comparison, the three quarter ton’s looked like a passenger car’s. Three, Quadravan used a ridiculous suspension set up which delivered very little articulation and a poor ride; observe the track bars pictured above. Four, I am very lazy.
The dream
I got as far as buying a few expensive new parts to do the front end conversion before I realized I was never going to do it, and the city started bugging me about the old van in my driveway. Eventually I sold the hulk for what I paid for it and settled for keeping the van two-wheel-drive.
It served us well except that the door was very annoying to my wife, and it was ugly as sin. I never did much to it except to change the oil and give it a basic tune up once. I figured it was so ugly and of such low value that if it decided to blow up or something, I would just junk it and get another, but it never did. The fuel pump quit; easy fix. And then the brakes utterly failed somehow while my neighbor was borrowing it. She was able to get it stopped by hitting something; I don’t remember what, but it wasn’t hard. Now how does a modern dual circuit brake system completely fail? I really don’t know; actually, it had fluid, the power assist servo worked, but no brake pressure. I guess the master cylinder somehow blew out both seals at once.
I was now working for a tow truck company and had easy access to my choice of cheap vehicles. So it was the end for the ugly old Ford and time for a nicer looking Chevy. The Ford went to the crusher, though they did pull the good engine. I can’t say I don’t miss it a bit. The van I have now has a high performance 350 crate motor, but there really is no replacement for cubic inches, and 350 versus 460 does make a difference on those big, long hills. The old Ford actually got better miles per gallon as well! But the van I have now is four-wheel-drive so I can have my cake and eat it as well, at least in theory.
I am so surprised that you found my van. I thought it had gone to the crusher here in texas but am gratified that you cared for it even better than I. It had a 300-six when I had it and it sure was a worker.
When I bcame a teacher it became considerably less value to me. Thanks for the yarn.
When working in the car rental business long ago, we got a new fleet of these every 6 months. I remember we had a lot of long term reservations for these and did not have enough vans to meet our needs. Rather than fleet order some vans we had to buy some off the local dealers lot. One was poop brown, had the 300 six, and front a/c only (no dual air) and we were in Florida. Load that puppy up with 15 people and turn on the a/c and it struggled. The van that replaced this model in 1992 and serves us until today is a vast improvement. Work horses they are.
Home sweet home.
Hope I can find one in decent, repairable for not too many bucks, when the shanty becomes untenable for various economic reasons.
When I was an itinerant fruit picker I could really have used a van that size.
My guitarist bought a 99 Club Wagon to do our month-long tour last April. Spent about 3 grand in total. Apart from a minor brake issue, it did fine covering most of the country and 9,000 miles in a month. (And nearly 3 grand in gas, of course.) About a week after he got home to Seattle he wanted to sell it, so he did a quick inspection and found lots of oil in the coolant. Sold it for $800. Ouch…
I still wish Toyota had made a full sized van back in the day. We would have needed two of the old things to fit us and our gear.
That era Econoline is the best van every built IMO. I’ve logged a number of miles in them working them to their limit many times. For the last 20 years I’ve always had at least one in my fleet and at one point three.
My current ones first life was as a wheel chair lift van. In it’s next life it was a race car hauler/camping rig hauling cars to SCCA championships in KS. From what I understand it’s owner took home the top spot on at least one occasion. I picked it up from them for $100 after they had spend about $1000 having the timing chain replaced when it broke just shy of 200K. For what every reason they took it to a place that specialized in VWs, mainly air cooled VWs. I guess they figured oh’ it’s an old school V8 we don’t need to worry about piston to valve clearances. Somehow they managed to bend both valves and pushrods on the #2 cyl. Despite the other cyls on that intake plane not doing much if anything to contribute power it drove home up a pretty steep hill with only 4 of its 351s cyls doing their job. 2 new valves, 2 used pushrods a head gasket and half of an intake and valve cover set and about 3 hours of work and it was back on the road with all 8 doing their part.
I’ve always wanted a Quadravan too, but as noted they aren’t cheap and since my Econolines are used in hauling tools for remodeling and repairing my rental properties I can leave it at home if it snows and I’m sure not going off road with all the tools an junk in the back.
Edit: As to the sliding doors I’ve never had any issues with the ones on the vans I’ve had. Now that era GM that is another story I’ve had to weld and reinforce the area around the rear latch on a number of those. The latch doesn’t go bad the thin sheet metal it is bolted too cracks and then the latch deflects rather than latching.
I completely agree with you Eric, best built vans of all time.
A friend of my brother has had one for years that he uses (among other things) as an airport shuttle from his base in a small town in SE Iowa. Last I heard, he was closing in on, or had exceeded 400k miles. The original 351 was still running strong, but he had put two transmissions in it.
What is it with Fords and automatic transmissions? Of all the many ford products in my family history, the most common major failure is the auto tranny going out. Only once was it an engine problem.
The transmissions on my trucks with 460s in them never lasted more than 90K. My two trucks with the V-10s in them are still on the original transmissions with 150K and 230K miles respectively, and these are F-350s that weigh in at some 9500#.
Some things do get better with time.
Same disease in aussie Fords the engine go forever the trannys not so far.
C6 trannys always have done well by me. The AOD and it’s derivatives, not so much
I think the C6 is the best 3sp auto trans ever made. Edging out the 727 by it’s ability to start in 2nd gear.
Early AODs were certainly troublesome however near the end of it’s run they had them pretty well sorted out and I’ve gotten 200K out of them. The Grand Marquis I sold my friend was still on it’s original AOD-E at 280K and counting the last I heard. The 4R70W (renamed AOD-E with wide ratio) in my buddies Mark VIII kicked the bucket at just over 200K. Actually it still drove it just had really sloppy shifts and it was apparent its end was near.
A friend of my dad’s is restoring what may be the ultimate 3rd-gen Econoline, a Coca-Cola Denim Machine, with a 460 and floor shift. It was a prize in some Coca-Cola contest in 1976. It’s red, white and blue panel van with chrome mags, wheel flares, a spoiler and side pipes. It’s pretty wild!
Now that you have mentioned that, you know we need pics!
Holy shit I just realized you talked of your current van does this mean no more tales of nursing ancient dungers thru their last few anxious miles?
Lol, oh I still have one of those! I keep a secondary vehicle of low value to drive to work and back.
Sweet, looking forward to the next installment
When I was 16, I started working for the company I still work for now, almost 19 years later albeit now I’m part time and now in a much different position. Then I was give the keys to a full ton Ford box van, with a 460 a load of supplies that had to go to, and then back from a hospital 60 miles away. Every day.
Somehow that old van did it every single time. The 460 was long past it’s prime but it would pull it’s load generally without drama. I remember when the company, in 1995, bought a brand new GMC box van with a modern fuel-injected 350. I took that, and even though it actually had FM radio (!!), it was no match for the old Ford(s) (there was another, similar, Ford in service). That 350 just didn’t touch the old 460s, even the newer ones they got in 97 and 99 – I believe the latter being a 5.3 or 6.0. I didn’t bother to check at that point.
To this day I occasionally make an excuse to take one of the year-old Ford box vans with I have no idea what powering it (5.4? 6.0? – it’s gas?) and while they’re definitely hot rods, I can’t help but in my heart miss that old stupid van that I put so many highway miles on.
A great van. I drove a number of these that were owned by family friends. The biggest problems I recall with these was a commonly finicky valve system to switch between the main and auxiliary fuel tanks, and mainly the tendency to rust. These used to rust pretty badly in the midwest. The 1992 rebody was much better in that regard. I drove versions with the 6 and with 302s, 351s and even a 400, but never a 460. I always wanted to, though.
I never liked sliding doors in big vans. They seemed like so much effort for so little benefit. IIRC, you could always get conventional hinged double doors. In fact, I think that the slider was optional.
By the 1980s, these were saddled with a 5.0 and a heavy duty version of the AOD. If you think that the Crown Victorias with this drivetrain were slow, these were worse. By the mid 90s, the 460 was made available again for awhile.
The sliding-door trend was in response to VW’s sliding door with the 1968 remake of their van. The press went gaga over it; and immediately, Chevy and Ford had sliders patch-engineered into their lineups; Dodge a few years later. The Ford entry of the times was especially awkward, appearance-wise – keeping two small windows instead of one sheet of glass.
I later had a very-beat 1974 Econoline, panel truck, and that slider was closed for all time. Repairing it would have required straightening a mostly-cosmetic ripple between the door and rear tire…the truck was not worth it.
As to this series: I worked with several of them, driving for “Vans To Vail” in Denver in the mid-1990s…we had older-design Fords, the then-current Fords, and Dodges. The Dodges, before the front-end redesign of 2001, were my favorite. The older Ford vans, like this one, were perfectly okay. The new Fords, I liked least…combination of feel, driving position, and things I really can’t put my finger on.
These were good trucks. Useful trucks. Of all the vehicles I’ve owned, cars, pickups, vans…my personal favorite style is the van. The single MOST useful body style for the size and weight.
Too bad someone can’t make a hard-core minivan that can really take a beating. I had hopes for the Ford Transporter, but from what I hear, it doesn’t drive very well. Utility-wise, it would be killer.
I had forgotten about Ford’s horrible little fuel valve!
“And so, like Patty Hurst, he bought it.”
A Warren Zevon reference? On Curbside Classic? Awesome.
You caught me! I am a big Zevon fan, surprised that anyone else noticed it.
One of my many jobs I had when I was in college was as a courier driver. I was mostly in Dodge vans, but the only other van I ended up with frequently was an early 1980’s Ford van. This was the regular van, not the one-ton. It was powered by a 300 six cylinder with an autobox behind it. By the time I was driving this thing in 1983 & 84, it already had 200K miles on it, but the Northeastern Ohio roads had beaten this thing to a pulp. Well, that and 13 other drivers who didn’t give a sh*t about taking care of the equipment.
One lake effect snowy day, I was on my way to deliver some boxes way out in Northwest Pennsylvania, when stopped at a stop light in a small town, I hear a bang! and this weird whistling sound. The truck starts running rough, and I’m nervous because the snow is piling up and the town I was in was rolling up the sidewalks at 5 PM. I pull into a convenience store parking lot and fish out some dimes to call dispatch and let them know what’s happening. (I was beyond radio range)
The front office transfers me to the motor pool, and I talk to the crustiest old mechanic on the line. He listens to my story and then tells me it’s OK to turn off the engine. He said to open the hood and it will be obvious what happened. He was right.
A spark plug had come undone and shot back out of the engine and even dented the underside of the hood. Once I had seen that, I knew what to do. Unfortunately, I had to take this wheezing, sputtering rattle box down the main street in this small town, and try to get to the parts store before they closed for the evening. Luckily I got there before the end of the day, and they even came out and helped me reinstall the spark plug.
I fired up the old 300, and it purred like a kitten. I made it to my delivery before the left, in fact they were waiting for me, dispatch had called them and explained why I was late. Then the lake effect snow really started up, but I did make it back before midnight, so I wasn’t too unhappy.
When I left that place that old Ford was still in service, but it must have had north of 300K by then.