I was walking across the Home Depot parking lot the other evening when I noticed something a little amiss out of the corner of my eye regarding the Olds Ciera parked up front. Once I turned my head completely, whoa! This called for a slight detour on your behalf, my faithful readers.
It’s very likely that the owner of this car had a little (or maybe not so little) mishap during one of the more recent snow events. Replacing the front end with new parts would be expensive, and looking for and scavenging used parts from a Pull-Your-Part wrecker would involve laying on the ground in the cold, which is only comfortable and desirable for our Canadian CC contributors. For us more civilized (and softer) folk down here, why not just fashion something from the goods on aisles 12, 22, and 31 at the local Home Depot instead?
The 2×6 bumper beam is probably just as solid as whatever was there before. The pieces of masonite siding as lighting backer plates I’m not too sure about holding up while careening down I-25 at 75-80mph but maybe it’s just a local driver; however the dual ratchet straps holding this assembly over the hood are likely solid enough. As a bonus they kind of look like dual black metal banana slug hood ornaments. Hopefully the Olds doesn’t burn oil, un- and re-strapping might be a little annoying, but judging by how many of these are still plying the roads of the American Midwest there don’t seem to be too many maintenance and longevity issues.
The wicked-looking 3″ screws are probably overkill but at least they aren’t pointed the other way. Perhaps a proper bolt and nut setup (hardware on aisle 5) would be an improvement. A couple of zip-ties (available on aisle 8) to tame the wiring would go a long way towards possibly making this a Mr. Goodwrench approved modification. Or perhaps just Homer approved. Extra style points should be awarded regarding how the owner managed to mount the whole thing using what appear to be the original bumper brackets.
I did walk around the back to be sure there wasn’t a matching rear setup, however it all appears stock, although this may be the first trailer hitch I’ve ever seen on a Ciera. In any case, this sight made my late night shopping trip a little less mundane, have any of you seen any “creative” repairs lately?
Note: a rerun of an older post.
I love this. I’ve always been a fan of what can euphemistically be called “rural engineering.”
America: A third-world nation that doesn’t know it.
I’m sure the car passed insurance inspection thanks to those accesories.
There’s some distant connection between this car’s strapped down hood, and the unhinged but perhaps more easily removed “hood” on the. Audi A2 featured earlier. I’ve seen vehicles almost like this in California, though this one does have some creative touches; I take it Colorado has no formal inspections either. I suspect our European, Japanese and Australian readers are shaking their heads in disbelief.
Looks like Red Green is in town!
+100!But, where’s the whole roll of duct tape??
+200!
“If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.”
I think that this is wacky, and therefore great. That’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it.
What’s odd though is that a little Googling indicates that Colorado doesn’t actually require a front bumper or for that matter have annual vehicle safety inspections, so this is actually quite a bit of work to go through for what (hopefully) was something of a temporary fix. On the other hand, what you are supposed to have in CO is a front license plate (which doesn’t have to be affixed to the bumper that doesn’t have to be there). Maybe he was in the Depot buying more drywall screws to attach that front plate.
An even more pressing issue for this guy may be “where’s the radiator”? Isn’t that supposed to be in front of the fan? I see the fan (which looks to be falling out of the engine bay), but no radiator. I don’t think they sell those at Home Depot.
Exactly… how does this work? Air cooling? I’m so confused. And yes the fan does seem really low. Maybe that’s just the pic?
It’s interesting too that the hood and fender edges seem perfectly fine and undamaged — you would think that any front end damage that would require the radical step of removing the bumper, lights etc. would also show up in more crumpled bodywork further back.
This is a head-scratcher for sure.
My theory is that he hit something rather low and narrow like a tree stump, pushing the lower radiator support back and leaving no room for the puller fan to spin freely. No worries, just lengthen the fan wiring and reverse the polarity at the same time, so the relocated fan becomes a pusher instead. Problem, solution.
I’ve done that. Had a Trans Sport van where the transmission would always get too hot and the internal solenoid harness would get finicky. Even with a big cooler. So I used an extra fan and relay, triggered it from the fuel pump, and mounted it as a pusher.
Perhaps this one has a compromised cooling system due to the collision. But a radiator costs too much, and wiring up a pusher from parts laying around costs nothing. And it’s enough to get them where they need to go.
The things we do when we have no money. Was there for way too many years.
The ratchet straps give it a 1956 Pontiac vibe. Small v.
🤣
An alternative reality Mad Max,l; one concerned with post apocalyptic velour seat luxury and fuel economy.
Great find – I’d like to see the Japanese Government JCI Inspector’s face if this one drove up.
That’s quite the apparatus attached behind what would normally be a flush mount trailer light. Having worked on enough of these, it looks like the factory wiring and socket for the bumper mount turn signal / parking light. Perhaps the lens was broken, but the housing was salvageable, so the owner affixed the housing to the back of the plywood, and hollowed out the base of the trailer light so the factory bulb would shine through. Looks like the passenger one is half full of blinker fluid. Because half of the function is blinker. The owner is covering all the bases here.
I can just barely make out the deck mounted 3rd brake light. I’m guessing it’s an 86 or base model 87 with the quad sealed beams. Looks like they just used the inner sealed beam which has both high and low beam built in. Headlight aim here is merely a suggestion.
No “Fuel Injection” badge on the front fenders, so more than likely it’s a V6. I’ve towed quite a bit with my V6 A bodies and they’ve done quite well.
Would like to see the creativity if the rear axle trailing arm mount gives way, as many of them do. I saw one once passing me on the highway with a chain holding the axle on.
Been a long time, but a buddy of my dad’s was the lead of the local fire department. For the longest time he had a Reliant wagon with a railroad tie rear bumper. You know how they say the plumber’s sink always leaks, the mechanic’s car is always broken….. My dad watched this guy build a roaring fire in the woodstove. Then while nonchalantly having a conversation, he stood there next to the chimney pipe while periodically spraying it with a water bottle to avoid burning the house down.
I’m not sure I’d go so far as to say I like it, but I respect it on a certain level. He needed a car, his broke, and he did what he needed to do to get back on the road. I think the part that bothers me the most is those gawd awful rectangular sealed beams. Ugly but with bad light. Well, he could have beveled the outsides of the 2 by bumper, that would have made it a little more aesthetically appealing and safer for pedestrians, but overall I give him a A for creativity and a B for execution.
I see these modifications all the time when I visit my sister in West Virginia.
Quite common on vehicles with “Farm Truck” spray painted on the back.
Necessity is the mother of invention.