Bailiff: All rise and shine. This CCourt is in session, Judge Jim ‘Junkyard’ Klein presiding.
Judge Klein: Please be sordid. This is our final witness and I’d like to send the lot of them to the scrapheap before lunch, so let’s be quick about this. Fortunately, by the looks of today’s defendant, things are bound to be brought to a swift and monocoque-crushing conclusion very soon indeed. CCounsel, take off the handbrake, put it in gear and give it some gas.
T87: Thank you, your Editorness. They say that Justice is blind. As we detail today’s witness, I am reminded that I really envy Justice, sometimes. Please state your date of manure-facture, marque and model.
Flying Pug: I am the one and only 1998 Mitsubishi Pajero Jr. Flying Pug.
T87: Is that “Pig” or Pug”?
Flying Pug: He he he… Pug.
T87: You find it funny?
Flying Pug: It’s hard to take yourself seriously when you’re called Flying Pug.
T87: I’ll grant you that. Though it’s equally hard to figure out what your parent corporation was aiming at when the designed you. Are you supposed to be a ‘30s throwback? DeSoto Airflow or an Aero Hupmobile, perhaps?
Flying Pug: Nope. My avowed inspiration is the Austin FX4.
T87: The London black cab?? Really?? Could have fooled me.
Flying Pug: I know, right? What were they smoking?
T87: I don’t know, but I want some. Were you ever a four-door vehicle?
Flying Pug: No, I’m based on the Pajero Mini kei car, but I got wider and was given a 1.1 litre engine. Hence the “Jr.,” I guess.
T87: Let the CCourt, who may not know about this Pajero Jr. line, see a file photo. And of the FX4 taxi, while we’re at it.
Never should the twain have met (except in our nightmares) – 1995-98 Pajero Jr. & 1959-97 FX4 Taxi
T87: Even with the best imagination and a hefty helping of psychotropic drugs, I fail to understand how anyone could have looked at the Pajero Jr. and said “You know what? This is but a vertical grille and a couple of chrome accents away from being a London cab.”
Flying Pug: Well, LTI had just stopped FX4 production – after a highly respectable 38-year run, so the shape was on car designers’ mind, I suppose.
T87: Yes, but it’s a completely different shape from whatever you’ve turned out to be! I mean, your grille is completely different, your headlamps are in-board, your fenders are bulging, you have a hood ornament and your taillights bear no relation to the vertical ones on the black cabs. And the name. What is with up with that, may one ask?
Flying Pug: Pugs are associated with Britain. Flying is cool and the word was used on many cars. The conjunction of the two creates an amusing mental image. And few Japanese understand English.
T87: Whaddaya know, that makes about as much sense as the rest of the story. So the deeply conservative and tentacular Mitsubishi Corporation went ahead and got in on the ‘90s retro craze with a mini 4×4 styled like a Chinese knock-off of a ‘50s British design (with two doors missing, no less). How did this all go down on the JDM?
Flying Pug: Reactions were fairly muted, in my recollection. At first, there was stunned silence. Then a noiseless look of disapproval, followed by an inaudible hush of condemnation. Things went quiet after that.
T87: I see. Not exactly a warm reception, then, was it?
Flying Pug: Not too warm, no. I’ve seen more enthusiastic crowds at war memorials and atonal music concerts.
T87: So when you say that “things went quiet after that,” are we to infer that your presence on showroom floors was not followed by a buying frenzy that enabled your parent company to laugh hysterically all the way to the bank?
Flying Pug: You might say that, yes. Mitsubishi were already having trouble convincing the public that the Pajero Jr. was good value for money – sales were sluggish. Then they introduced me in September 1997 as a special deluxe edition, limited to 1000 units.
T87: So you’re saying that 1000 Pugs came Flying out of Mitsubishi dealerships?
Flying Pug: Er… no, not exactly that many…
T87: How many then?
Flying Pug: 139.
T87: Wow! That’s an indictment if I’ve ever seen one. Speaking of which, I believe it’s time for me to deliver my closing argument. Your Serenity, I have no further questions.
Judge Klein: Very well. Flying Pug, you are excused. Your closing, Mr Tatra. While we’re still awake.
T87: I’ll be brief, your Imperiousness. We have seen yet another three egregious examples of the retro craze that has swept Japan for the past three decades, and it’s fair to say the situation has not improved. Whether under attack from kit-makers, coachbuilders or OEMs themselves, automotive good taste has been put through some of the most challenging tests on the JDM since the Great Nissan Fuglification Plague of the ‘70s. I do not know how we can address this. I only know it had better stop, lest the coming decade become a world of glaring plastichrome and contrived references to past designs that were questionable in their day already. Let us act now, before we go blind.
Judge Klein: Thank you Mr Tatra. Ladies and gentlemen of the CCommment section, what say you?
Related posts:
The (First) Japanese Retro Trial (Part 1 – Part 2 – Part 3), by T87
Triumph Mayflower!
Exactly! And why the damn headlight covers? Again?
Did they mix up the FX4 with the Beardmore?
https://live.staticflickr.com/1851/44062358934_c66db5f8d1_b.jpg
Spot on !
Good call on the Breadmore and the Mayflower. The latter is one of the worst postwar English designs, but the obscure Breadmore is even closer to the Flying Pug in many ways…
That the builders planned to limit production of these shows they weren’t entirely devoid of business sense.
That production was only 139 still showed the creators to be out of touch.
This still looks better than a Nissan Micra attempting to pose as a VW, but that’s still no compliment.
This court is nothing compared to the ruthlessness of the court of public opinion. 139 out of a planned 1000 is pretty bad.
Still, there is something I see in this one – there is at least some imagination at work here, unlike the fake carriage roofs and plastichrome portholes that seem to be the best we can do in the US these days.
And what is with all of the automatic transmissions in these retro cars? I had some tiny bit of interest in this until I saw that. Poof, what small amount of desire that was there went away. So sorry, defense counsel has been worn down and has nothing to say for this one. Sorry dude, you were screwed from the start.
Saving the best (or maybe worst) for last. Simply hard to believe that these are real.
And great writing. I’m still laughing at some of these gems:
One more oddity about this Flying Pug is the wheels, which look like they’re overstocks from the 1980s Fake-BBS-wheels craze… and they somehow go with neither modern retro trend or the London Cab theme. Very strange.
I bet Junkyard Jim sees this as a pretty open-and-shut case.
Da Judge sez: “These transgressions shall not stand in polite society. To the crusher with you! Bailiff, get this out of my sight. Oh, my eyes!”
You don’t pull on Superman’s cape.
You don’t spit into the wind.
You don’t pull the mask of the old Lone Ranger
And you don’t mess around with Jim.
If it please the court, I’d like to render a counter to everyone’s opinion here.
No offense to our friends on the other side of either pond, but to my eyes, this is an improvement over BOTH designs, the Cab, AND the Side-Kick looking thing.
There is some [visual] interest as Attorney Cavanaugh pointed out, and I’ll even give a pass to those 1989 Pontiac Bonneville looking wheels it’s sporting, although I would not want to clean them.
T87… Love these posts, man!
I don’t think it is terrible looking either.
The owner with a true sense of humor would show up to the Westminster Dog Show driving this with an actual pug in tow.
I find the Court’s attitude highly pajerotive. The hood ornament alone indicates the high quality of this design exercise.
Mitsubishi itself made this thing? What were they thinking or smoking? It might have been more convincing if it were a five-door model, but the Pajero Jr. only came as a three-door. I guess we should be thankful it wasn’t based on one of its bigger siblings!
Here comes the Judge!
Guilty.That is the verdict of us all.
Tatra 87: love your work! Clever, witty writing, and above all, you’ve shown me a car I never knew existed! In this day and age that’s a welcome rarity, as is the Flying Pug…
That it’s a factory Mitsi effort is really the icing on the cake.
Just what do they smoke in Japan that creates ideas like this? I do like the parody Singer Gazelle tail lights but the frontal treatment is bizzare, the Triumph Mayflower wasnt exactly a styling success the first time round, when this flying pig/pug popped up on my monitor the first impression was Mayflower by Mitsuoka now I find its a Mitsubishi factory effort they should get a bravery award or something.
I think no Spanish speaker has commented the article so far, or at least none that wanted to say something embarrassing.
This might be the perfect car to base the Flying Pug. In Spanish, a Pajero is a….how can I say this in aseptic words? Let’s say, a self-satisfier. And when you say someone is a Pajero, it’s usually as a pejorative on his mental or social abilities. (I think the same word in English works the same way). So, the Pajero is a great Flying Pug. Or a great Flying Pig, or Cow.
Oh! So this wasn’t a transcript.
Here, the Pajero Shrinko (aka Mitsulittlespurt) was called the iO, and iO, iO, it’s off to nowehere it went. Not popular. Though who knows, this special FX version might’ve sold to a few crusty immigrants from the Old Country.
Even for one as, er, numerically challenged as me, 139 out of 1000 is a fail.
(Unlike the post, unless one considers a riot to be a fail).
“Flying Pug: Reactions were fairly muted, in my recollection. At first, there was stunned silence. Then a noiseless look of disapproval, followed by an inaudible hush of condemnation. Things went quiet after that.”
Best line I’ve read in a while! Especially since it is about Japan, which is known for its reservedness as I understand it.
What a strange little car! Thanks for the good article.
Hey! A friend just found one of these parked on the streets of Harlem! Jan 2 2024.
Just in case anyone is actually interested.