Curbside Holiday Car Decor — Seasonally Decked Out?

Maybe it’s part of the same phenomenon where it’s getting nearly impossible to find a car that’s not painted a neutral color, but I’ve noticed that in recent years it’s also getting harder to find cars that are decorated for the end-of-year holidays. As we’re right now about a week out from Christmas and right at the first day of Hanukkah (2022), wondering about the prevalence of holiday-decorated vehicles is moving close to the top of the heap of flotsam and jetsam that constitutes my mind. What to do? Naturally the answer to that question was to go for a drive to see what I could find.

In my research expedition, I first encountered someone who had driven all the way across the country in their decorated car.

Maybe the relocation from sunny San Diego – which is where Pacific Honda seems to be – to dreary, gray, New England motivated this Honda owner to want to brighten up their ride with the ever-cheery reindeer antlers and nose.

It used to be that I couldn’t go anywhere this time of year without seeing those things poking up like national flags on the front fenders of some head of state’s car, or like the equally prevalent football team flags flapping from windows on the day of  “da game” (I don’t see many of those anymore either). Actually, I am under the impression that a set of plush reindeer antlers used to be almost mandatory on cars during the month of December. Well, perhaps that’s a bit of an exaggeration, and for sure I used to spend more time sitting in the elementary school pickup line…where whimsical car decorations were a common and sure-fire way of exciting small children.

Exciting them to heights of seasonal glee, or alternatively, scaring the crap out of them if they are tarandophobic; which if it is a real thing must be yet another item on the very long list of reasons why it’s difficult to live in Lapland (the northernmost region of Finland and home to about 10% more reindeer than people).

A fun fact for this morning is that Lapland’s tourism motto is “Above Ordinary”.  I’ll just note that to me this seems a little passive aggressive for the state that is to the north of the rest of its country. Gee, I wonder what they REALLY think about their not-quite-as-reindeer-endowed neighbors in the rest of Finland? It would be kind of like if North Carolina got really snarky and changed its motto from “Esse quam videri” to “The Superior Carolina”; which come to think of it is maybe what they actually were getting at with that “to be rather than to seem” thing.  Except fortunately for the folks in Raleigh, maybe no one in South Carolina knew Latin at the time.

Yes, pre-dating my current status as a Bay Stater – that is, resident of a state which has its own totally crappy motto: Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem (By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty) – I am a Tar Heel by birth and recipient of many years of mandatory North Carolina history in elementary school and Junior High. So there. Quite a few formative years were spent in The Superior Carolina (if you say it often enough, it just might stick) and back then there were LOTS of decorated cars during the Christmas season…which is what we called it back then.  Maybe that’s where those ideas about the supposed prevalence of decorated cars come from.

So, after driving around  for half a day – covering parts of two states – specifically looking for seasonally-decorated vehicles in service of this CC article, I had only encountered two antler-endowed vehicles, the first of which is our lead photo of the car from San Diego. The second, this BMW X1, didn’t even have the red-Rudolf-nose. Therefore, for all I know they were honoring some entirely different hoofed animal activity that had nothing to do with the holidays. Or maybe this is the staff car from the Boston Finnish Consulate (one of 31 in the U.S.). The Lapland of My Imagination has every vehicle sporting reindeer antlers 365 days a year. They’re issued by the local government, right? Yes, the Lapland of My Imagination, due to my 4th – 6th grade social studies exclusive focus on North Carolina history/geography/culture, my young mind absorbed A LOT about North Carolina to the unfortunate exclusion of knowledge about much of the rest of the world. Finland? Who knows? But ask me about New Bern or Gastonia and we can have a REAL conversation.

Anyhow, these are the sorts of thoughts and questions one has when encountering a car that is only half-dressed for Christmas. Gotta have the red nose.

OK, in full disclosure, I was also devoting a morning to driving around so that I could shake out and experience the rear suspension refresh I did on my car, having finally this week lined up the resources, parts (junkyard!!), and assistance to pull this thing (below) off of my car and replace it with something minty fresh and decidedly rust-free.

Yes, something else we in New England don’t share with San Diego, or maybe Finland…that is, roads so heavily salted from November through April that dogs don’t want to/can’t walk down the street and where giant honking pieces of metal literally disintegrate and threaten to allow your rear wheels to travel a different direction than the other 85% of your vehicle. In the Lapland of My Imagination, people either just know how to drive their permanently fuzzy-antler-endowed cars in snow and therefore don’t need salted roads…or they just stay at home, stack firewood, and ruminate (of course they do!) on exactly why they are “Above Ordinary”. For like 10 months out of the year.

Anyway, a new rear sub frame constitutes my Christmas present to myself and for what it’s worth, the car rides great now. It’s also good to know that I probably have another 10 years before this new used sub frame also turns to dust. And as for my on-the-road research project (someday I’ll need to write a CC article about that), I really do think I’m on to something about noting a decline in holiday-decorated vehicles.

I honestly wish I’d seen more over the top cars with antlers, lights, or jingle bell horns. Then again, I have heard – and read from some CC commenters in relation to Paul’s post about a Eugene-decorated truck several years ago – that colored holiday lights are generally frowned upon by law enforcement.  That doesn’t mean that I haven’t seen such-decorated cars in the past and that I do not miss them now.

Fortunately, it’s not altogether impossible to find any kind of festive lighting on a car. On my research drive, the other car I found with a wreath may have been rocking the Pep Boys light up wreath (an amazing bargain at under $3!). I think that wire running into the engine compartment goes to the battery pack for the thing.  If so, I applaud the owner.

Manny, Jack, and Moe approve too. Well, at least Jack does.

To me, Jack always seemed to be the trio’s leader and the most sensible one. Moe, on the other hand, impresses me as kind of shifty — like he’s just waiting for a better offer before he’s outta there. I can tell that he’s thinking about hitting up that Scheib guy for a job, because there’s gold to be made in hawking those $29.95 $49.95 paint jobs. The more I look at Moe, the less sincere he seems.

I doubt his motives.

As for Manny…well at least on my desk, Manny is having some difficulties what with the cataracts and that unfortunate incident with his right hand and the tire. So just trust Jack. He’s clearly a solid dude. The kind of guy who would sell a battery-operated Christmas wreath for $2.90. Because obviously that’s obviously what they’re worth.

So back to the cars — Have I said that yet?  Seems like I should have. — that’s what I turned up after a whole morning of driving during the Holiday Season. 4 decorated vehicles, and one of them (arguably) may not even be promoting holiday spirit so much as perhaps a connection to a certain Finnish state bucking for attention or some pagan festival focusing on ruminants.

Since the aforementioned cars were the only decorated vehicles that I managed to capture, and none related to anything other than Christmas, I figured that I should get busy and figure out if the marketplace catered to any of the other popular December holidays.

In that regard, it’s good to know that should you be inclined, you could ask your smart speaker to order you up a 2′ car-top menorah!  What you would get seems to be a sturdy contraption that fastens to your car with suction cups, bars, and straps (much like the old-fashioned car top carrier that my dad made in 1968).  Furthermore, this is no static or parade-speed-only display.  The ad clearly states that it’s been tested at speeds up to 75mph.  THAT’S something I want to see!

Kwanza car decorations sadly seem to be a bit limited, at least around me.  Maybe commenters can enlighten us on what they see in their areas. All I was able to find online were these rather striking seat covers that feature produce and candles.  They seem to make a somewhat low-key (non-showy) statement that frankly could be suitable at nearly any time of year.  In fact, I may want a set of these for the ’76 Volvo once it wears out its second set of seat covers in about another 50,000 miles.  At 350,000 miles, I think that if the car wants seat covers with vegetables…when then it shall have seat covers with vegetables.  Maybe I should order them now as an early Kwanza 2025 present.

Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza…that brings us to Festivus, the holiday that I would gladly default to as it is indeed the Festivus for the rest of us. The following clip is totally pointless to Seinfeld fans as they likely have it memorized, and totally avoidable to those who cannot for some reason stand Seinfeld. But maybe we’ll experience a Festivus Miracle and those folks will come around and appreciate the TV show that gave us George’s Jon Voight’s LeBaron.

As any good student of 1990s television knows, the critical Festivus decoration is the Festivus Pole. Internet research shows that this is covered as a vehicular decoration.

It appears that in most cases, vehicular adornments for Festivus include one vehicle carrying the Festivus Pole…

While following vehicles perform the Feats of Strength.

In the end, maybe a bumper sticker will do, although this seems like a pretty low-fi way of decorating for the holidays…even if it’s in keeping with the prevalent modern sensibilities for understated vehicular presence.  At least that’s how it seems in my neck of the woods. Or maybe in this age where social media seems to be the necessary driver for all activities, what we need are more “influencers” who take an interest in holiday car decoration and who can inspire the creation of an online event such as “Fuzzy Antlers Monday” (which should fit in somewhere among other popular commercial fabrications such as Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday, and Small Business Saturday). This of course would require some commercial interest to lubricate those influencers.

I wonder where Manny, Jack and Moe stand in terms of influencer culture.

Happy Holidays – whichever ones you choose to celebrate – to the CC community. Here’s wishing you festivities, reflections, and many and frequent Airing of the Grievances in the year to come.