CC Comparison: New Pickups Vs. Old Pickups – Bring On The Hyperbole!

For years in the various comments here at CC we’ve been hearing all sorts of denigrating comments about the physical size of current pickups.

Monster trucks.  Oversized.  Compensation for lack of manhood.  Monstrosities.  Ad nauseam.  But you know what?  Every one of those comments is painfully correct.  Please know as a longtime defender of contemporary pickups I sure do have egg all over my face.  This picture certainly shows me the gross error of my indefensible ways.

Good gracious – look at this early 1990s model half-ton four-wheel drive Dodge next to a current half-ton four-wheel drive GMC.  That GMC simply dwarfs it, sort of like Andre The Giant standing next to Danny DeVito.

Even from the back the difference is breathtakingly inescapable.  How in the wide world of sports does the owner of this GMC ever fit it under highway overpasses, let alone into his garage?

No doubt he needs an over dimension permit with an escort vehicle for operating this rig on public highways.  With the height of that GMC a person may need to be a pole-vaulter simply to access the bed.  Conversely, the Dodge is so petite a child could reach in while flat-footed.  The overwhelming difference between these two is truly amazing.  And sobering.

Oh, and look at the difference in length!  That GMC is about as long as those city buses that are articulated in the middle.  A person may need a commercial driver’s license given the absurd length of this thing.  It’s about the length of a wagon track on the Oregon Trail.

But let’s face it, gentleman; we all have a positive reaction when we hear those four magic words of “oh, it’s so big!” (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

Since coworkers own all three of these pickups, I also was able to see the dainty Dodge parked next to a newer steroid filled Dodge Ram.  Like with that GMC, the differences are breathtakingly astronomical.  Damn, these new pickups should be outlawed!  We all know a 2019 Honda Civic is the same size as a 2009 or a 1999 or a 1989; it’s only been pickups that have puffed up in those years.

These new monster trucks are so obscene and obnoxious.  And let’s not even talk about the copious amounts of fuel needed to move these new beasts.  I’m sure that diminutive old Dodge gets stellar fuel mileage, yielding results that would make your grandmother proud.

This Dodge Ram has a really profound case of The Gigantics.  What was FCA thinking?  It’s sad how these pickups have gotten so massive in size.  They are truly gargantuan.  It is incomprehensible how the size of these rigs has gotten so out of control.

It’s almost like all pickup stylists were perversely inspired by the movie Super-size Me.

Yep, it doesn’t matter from what angle – these pickups are the embodiment of how things in the automotive world have run amok and really gone to the dogs.

This current state of affairs has become truly unfortunate.  Please know as I type this admission of misguided defense, I’m suffering from a knot in my throat and my eyes are quite moist.  Fighting such profound guilt over misplaced loyalties can be a real bitch.

The world would be a better place if all contemporary pickups were of an infinitely more manageable size.  The physical size of the old Dodge is just about ideal, isn’t it?