(first posted 5/13/2013) What is the source of American men’s latent and easily provoked disdain for the French (and their cars)? Umm, it doesn’t exactly take a study to prove what what we secretly suspect and obviously are a wee bit uncomfortable with: they’re having more sex than us. Yet they drive small, weird underpowered weenie-mobiles. Well, guys, it seems to be working for them.
It may be fun to wax eloquently over a ’75 Imperial, but I’ve got news for you: this Citroen 2CV Cabrio is going to get you a lot more action than the Le Baron. Just getting off a couple of shots of this PM Hoffman Cabrio without ogling girls getting in the way was a challenge for son Edward, who took these shots. Of course, that was in Portlandia. Guys, it’s time to stop living in the past, driving the old barge around with memories of what went on in that giant velour back seat decades ago. You have a house with a bed now, right? Put the old yank tank or Camaro up on blocks, and get on with it before it’s too late. Because this Citroen is the ultimate chick magnet.
Don’t believe me? Try driving a Hummer down a Parisian street and see what kind of response you get. Women want a guy who’s secure about his manhood, and what better way is there to display that than with a 600 cc, 26 hp 2CV? Especially so when it’s this sporty little two passenger conversion made by Hoffman. And there won’t be any lingering doubts about the back seat being used by kiddies. Hoffman also offers conversions to turn the little two-banger into a pickup or even a stretch limo, but that seems to be defeating the whole purpose of the exercise. Going the other direction makes more sense: eliminate the body altogether and one of the rear wheels and turn it into a cool little Morganesque three-wheeler. I’ll take one of those in a heartbeat.
The problem with American men is that they tend to equate a sexy car with the real thing. I know there are some men out there that actually have broken through that barrier (NSFW alert), and for them it really is the real thing, but I’m not speaking to that audience here. Anyway, the 2CV’s tailpipe may be too small even for the stereotypical Hummer driver. I’m talking about the more conventional relationship, the one in which the word “cargasmic” tends to be overused. Ok, nothing wrong with that, as long as it doesn’t actually get in the way of the real thing. Which it might, depending on your target demographic and IQ range. I’ve actually heard guys swear that there’s nothing better than an EV, even a Zap Xebra, to break the ice in the right locations. Not painted yellow, either.
If you’ve ever watched The Misfits, you’ll know that Marlyn’s last role personified the sensitive, environmentally-aware feminine future, and Gable as the dying bronco/environment busting cowboy myth. Guys, you wanna be lonely cowboys in your pickup, and maybe find a little cuddle up on Brokeback Mountain, or are you going to bravely plunge into the future in your EV Conversion Hoffman Cabrio? The girls want to know, before they get tired of waiting and find something better to do.