Car Lot Classic: 1976 Cadillac Eldorado – RENT!!!

(I saw this Eldo in traffic yesterday, so it’s time to take it out for another spin. First posted 11/17/2012)     Now, my xB has some good qualities, but also a couple of major faults: it’s noisy as hell at speed when the pavement is less than baby-bottom smooth. And its ride is harsh. So now that I’m going to be crossing the threshold of a new decade before long, I’m thinking something a bit plusher and quieter is in order, like this fine Eldorado. And there would be another bonus: it would be profession-appropriate.

In Walter Moseley’s Easy Rawlins mysteries set in South-Central LA , Mofus–the manager of the apartment building that Easy (secretly) owns–glides his big Cadillac into the parking lot every Friday night, opens the window, and yells: RENT!!! RENT!!! RENT!!! Now that’s the effective way to get folks to pay their rent on time. That was in the late fifties, but if it had been a couple of decades later, an Eldorado coupe like this would have been Mofus’ ride for sure. Explains why my Xb just doesn’t seem to command any respect with my tenants.

And that’s not all; I could use it for all my other professional applications. Yes, that’s what I need to slide behind when I head off to Jerry’s for some plumbing fittings. Just need to get me a utility trailer and shit-can that rattle-trap old Ford truck of mine.

With 500 cubic inches under the hood, towing a big Bobcat or excavator would be a breeze. No more renting a big dump truck to pull them. For that matter, I could just rent one of those big double-axle dump trailers if I’m moving some dirt.

The vinyl top has a bit of skin cancer, but I’m sure I could find some similar-colored caulk to patch it up. I’ve got quite the collection by now.

Hmm; no warranty. No problem; these things are built like tanks. If that same power train can pull a motorhome down the road, it can surely pull a Bobcat without breaking a sweat.

Here’s the kicker: I can make money on the whole deal, as my Xb is worth quite a bit more than this Eldo. And someone might give me a couple of hundred for my truck.

So I’d be way ahead, anyway you look at it. Just need to practice yelling RENT!!! with the right intonation.