Curbside Classic: 1985 Chevrolet El Camino Conquista – Deez Nutz

Details are everything. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the distinctive outline of an El Camino in the distance and thought: pay dirt. As I got closer, the plot thickened. It seemed overwhelmingly positive: classic ‘80s Chevy, fine but not perfect condition, easy to photograph, something many CC readers could identify (if not identify with)… But I had not yet noticed one crucial feature.

It took me a little while, because I was elated by the find. How could one not be chuffed to bits by finding a classic piece of Americana sitting alone on a bright and sunny winter morning and seemingly demanding to be photographed? So I snap away merrily, capturing the Chevy’s front end, the interior, the profile (always loved the profile on these) and… *record scratch*

Now, I loves me an El Camino as much as anyone, and I don’t necessarily mind an accessory or two. Maybe not these two, though. Seeing this pair of green truck nuts on the back of this Chevy gave me a strange feeling of uneasiness. I had heard about these, but I hadn’t seen them in the polymer. I could not imagine why the owner felt the need to attach them.

But I’m presuming that there was a “need” (or even a desire) to be-testicle this very nice, and hitherto proudly gender-neutral, Chevrolet El Camino. Perhaps we should look to coercion or punishment as the root cause of this scrotal scandal. Who knows. Japan is opposite world for a certain number of things, after all. I’m not sure what truck nuts are supposed to mean in the Japanese context.

Not that I’m too confident about what they’re supposed to mean in general. These things seem to fall in the category of “stuff you do to set people off,” at least as view from the side of folks who don’t get why anybody would do this to their vehicle. Or to the people who follow said vehicle. It’s childish, vulgar and indiscriminate. The fact that this fad seems to have mirrored the rise of Internet trolls is probably not a coincidence.

There is cause for some merriment as regards these plastic implements. One is that there are at least two nutbags (both white guys, who’d have guessed?) claim to have been the first to mass-produce these. Success has many fathers – well, two at least, in the present case. Another is the definition of “Truck Nuts” in the UrbanDictionary, which I invite you to look up (for this one, I’ll leave you hanging… dangling, even.)

It’s funny how a couple dozen grams of green plastic can divert one’s attention from the subject at hand. By which I mean the car, of course. It’s still a very fine representative of its species, the 1982-87 El Camino. I won’t go into much detail about these, as we’ve seen them plenty of times on CC and most of you know a lot more about them just off the top of your head than I could write up with hours of ball-breaking research.

Nevertheless, this has to be one of the great GM designs of the era. It also pays homages to some of the greatest hits of the ‘70s, with that Ferrari-like inverted rear window and those Jaguar XJS-esque flying buttresses. This bed sure looks like it’s not been in much use, but then El Caminos are not necessarily about hauling cargo, and more about having a ball (or two).

Not to mention a lovely (if slightly less roomy than one might expect) interior. I remember having corduroy trousers that seem pretty analogous to the seat fabric seen here. That was a long, long time ago – it could have been 1985, as a matter of fact. That was well before anything had dropped, as far as I was concerned.

Chevrolet only sold 21,816 El Caminos in 1985. Seems that’s what that sub-generation (i.e. the 1982-87 quad-eyes) usually sold per annum – pretty modest, for a Big Cojone like Chevy. Yes, I realize that should be “Kahuna,” but these were built in Mexico, so…

Still, reality is stubborn. It’s impossible to ignore that our feature truck duos habet et bene pendentes, as they allegedly said in the Vatican. This El Camino is no saint, though. It’s no angel either – those aren’t meant to have family jewels, even plastic ones. I would like to apologize for the tone of this post (and some of the humour, if you can call it that), but this Chevrolet made me feel quite testy. Can’t blame a guy for grasping the low-hanging fruit.


 Related posts:


Curbside Classic: 1982 Chevrolet El Camino – Every day is Satyr-day, by JPC

Curbside Classic: 1987 GMC Caballero – The Gentleman Of The Truck World, by Eric703

Curbside Capsule: 1982 Chevrolet El Camino – The Road Ahead, by Joseph Dennis

CC Capsule: 1983-87 Chevy El Camino SS – El Caminos De La Costa Este, by Robert Kim

Curbside Outtake: 1982-87 Chevrolet El Camino – The CC That Time Forgot, by Ed Stembridge

COAL: 1986 Chevrolet El Camino – A Sad Ending, by James Pastor

COAL: 1985 El Camino Project Update – Miss Lily Elk, by Pioneer_Fox

COAL: 1985 Chevrolet El Camino – Life Finds A Way, by Pioneer_Fox