Opening Soon: Paul’s Curbside Classic Cafe

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I just don’t have enough going on in my life these days, so I’ve been on the prowl for a new project to keep me from getting bored. I made a run at an apartment complex a couple of months ago, to be called Curbside Classic Manor, but it fell through. My plans to require tenants to all drive Curbside Classics just wouldn’t fly, especially once the tenants got wind of the plans. But then I heard that Jerry’s Hot Rod Grill out in Florence at the coast went out of business, so I’ve taken the plunge. The restaurant business is a license to print money, right? Now I just need to do a bit of remodeling….

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You can see the problem…cars from the fifties are soooo yesterday. And a pink ’60 Cadillac, no less. No, the general idea is good, but the cars need to change.

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Well, this ’53 Chevy might get a reprieve. It’s not really in the same league as the rest of them, and it is my birth year. But if I could find a ’53 Tatra T-600, then it’s outa’ here.

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The tri-five Chevies have had their day; they’re obviously not drawing a crowd anymore.  Time to head to the scrapyard and cut off the noses of some real Curbside Classics: an early Toyota van, a Plymouth Volare, a Dodge Colt, and a Canadian ’77 Chevy Bel Air come to mind. But I’m open to suggestions…

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One of those Chebbies can stay; which will it be? The ’61, I’d say; but it’ll have to be re-trimmed as a Biscayne with dog dishes, and some acid thrown on that shiny paint. And a VW Samba, next to it. A Peugeot 404, for sure. And how about a Triumph Vitesse, to round out the front row?

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Nice, but it still can’t hold a candle to a ’50 Studebaker front end.

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Needs to be a Corvair crashing through here; upside down, at that. And rather than crashing out, let’s have it be crashing in. More realistic.

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And a brown Datsun 810 would be the right thing to replace the Caddy. This is Oregon, and the 21st Century, after all. Or maybe a an old Toyota pickup…

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This is too old school too.

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I’m seeing lots of VW buses with their tops cut off, and their seats turned to face each other to make booths. With all-natural hemp upholstery, of course. The menu? Vegan and gluten free is hot with one crowd here, but then I’m going to have to put up every generation of Prius and Bio-diesel Mercedes on the roof. Grass-fed beef burgers, sweet-potato fries and micro-brews is the way to go; we’ll brew up our own too: “30-Weight Porter”, “Diesel Delight” “Radiator Red”, “Tercel Terror”.

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By the time you read this, we’ll be open. So here’s another reason to take that trip out to Ory-gun that you’ve found so many excuses for postponing, indefinitely.

And I’ve found another building just down the highway, for Tom to take over. It’ll be “Tom’s Brougham Burgers”, featuring Iowa-style chicken-fried steak and tenderloin. I’m not sure how well that’ll go over out here, but with a line up of pouffy-top broughams up on the roof, and the booths covered in finest mid-70s Cadillac fabrics (he’s hiring Carmine as his interior decorator), how can it not be a huge success? The hot rod era is dead, the Curbside Classic Century has arrived.